A Little Unsteady (A Grey's Anatomy Story)

I'm Her Darkness

"What the hell was that all about?" Meredith stormed into the room after she heard the smashing of the vase and my shouts

I decided to ignore her so I turned my head to face the opposite wall and remained silent. I heard Meredith's footsteps as she approached my bed and then made her way around to the other side so that she could see my face.

"Jamie what's going on?" she asked concerned

My mouth remained shut as I continued to glare past Meredith.

"Jamie, I'm not kidding. Have you any idea what you just put us through? What you put Arizona through! And now you're yelling at her and throwing freakin vases around. What's gotten into you? I don't even know the half of what happened at that motel!" Meredith said harshly

"Why do you even care Meredith?" I finally broke "You want to know what happened at the motel? Fine! I lost my brother, I lost the one person who never left my corner no matter what! I had to think of a life where I felt completely alone! I have no one Meredith!" I yelled

"You have us!" Meredith raised her voice

"That's the problem! All I seem to do is hurt people!" I spat "I tired to kill myself so that I wasn't a problem anymore, so that I wasn't a burden in anybody's life. I took drugs and I fucking cheated on my girlfriend because I'm a selfish bitch!"

"Jamie you know damn well Arizona was not going to blame you for your actions! She could've helped you. You could've just spoken to her" Meredith tried to knock sense into me

"She shouldn't have to Meredith! You know what I asked her last week? I asked her to wait for me. I asked her to sacrifice her future just to wait for me! I'm not worth waiting for Meredith! I'm broken and I'm damaged and she's.. she's happy and bubbly and bright and I'm her darkness, I'm the shadow that dims her sunshine!" I cried

Meredith stopped arguing with me. She climbed into the bed beside me and gently pulled my head onto her shoulder as she hugged me tightly. I began to sob into her shoulder as the events began to take their toll on me.

"I can't do this without her Mer" I sobbed

"I think you need to figure out what you want Jamie. And when you're truly ready just talk to her, tell her how you feel and listen. Just listen to how she feels, and what she wants." Meredith replied softly

I nodded into her shoulder and took a deep breath. Meredith slowly got up from the bed and pulled the blanket over me.

"Just rest for now ok?" She smiled comfortingly

I nodded and gave a strained smile in return. She silently left the room and I was left with my own thoughts. I lay there in silence and began to feel sleep take a hold of me. I finally drifted off and for the first time in a while I felt at peace.

I must have been asleep for quite some time but I soon felt a presence beside me. My eyes fluttered open and I turned my head to see who was sitting beside my bed.

"Hey" the familiar voice spoke

"Alex?" I mumbled sleepily as I tried to sit up in the bed

"Here let me help you" he smiled as he helped me pull myself up

"What are you doing here?" I asked confused, I hadn't spoken to Alex in months. We made our peace but we still kept our distance after how things ended

"You scared me" he admitted

"I thought you would have been glad to get rid of me" I joked as his presence brought a smile to my face

"I don't think you'd make my life that easy would you?" He laughed

"I missed you" I whispered

"I missed you too" he gave a smile as he stood and came closer to me

"Will you stay for a little while?" I asked shyly

"Of course" he replied softly as he slowly moved to lie beside me on the bed

I placed my head on his chest and finally felt at ease. It had been so long since I was this close to Alex but even after all this time I still found his presence so calming and comforting. We lay there in silence as I slowly felt myself drift to sleep once more.

***

"Rise and shine kid" I heard as my eyes repelled against the bright light that shone through the windows

"Hey Derek" I mumbled as I winced against the glaring light

"It's a beautiful day, isn't it?" He smiled as he turned to face me

"Are you here to bring me to the physch ward?" I asked sarcastically as I sat up in the bed

Derek scoffed at my joke and shook his head.

"Nope. I'm here to take you home. Meredith said your good to be discharged. Your blood level has built back up and your only other injury is your wrists so your good to go" he flashed me his brilliant smile

"Oh thank god" I sighed as I fell back against the pillow

"Oh and by home, I mean my house. You're coming to stay with me and Meredith for a while" he said as he leaned against the door frame

"Derek that really isn't necessary" I insisted

"It's just until you get back on your feet and back to work. Please. It'll put Meredith's mind at ease. She's been going crazy worrying about you since you disappeared and then when you ended up here a week ago, she hasn't stopped worrying about you since" he said

"Thank you Derek." I smiled appreciatively

He simply nodded and gave a smile. He then left and gave me some time to pack my things. I was soon dressed and ready to go. I couldn't wait to get out of here. 2 days ago Meredith brought me out so that I could go to my brother's funeral. It was the first time I had seen my father since the day Blake died. He couldn't even look at me. I guess I deserved that. I was selfish and foolish. I knew what I put him through.

I left the room and saw Alex waiting for me at the nurses station.

"Hey let me carry that for you. Don't wanna burst those stitches" he smiled as he took my bag from me

"Thanks" I smiled up at him

He walked with me to Derek's car and placed my bag in the trunk as he waited for Derek to come and take me home.

"Listen, Jamie if you need anything. No matter what time of the day or night, even if you just want to talk, please just give me a call ok!" He said softly as he took me into his arms for a hug

"Thank you Alex" I whispered into his shoulder "I really appreciate it. It's been good having you around again" I smiled

"I missed you J" he whispered as he slowly let me go

Before I could reply Derek arrived and I left Alex's side and hopped into the car. I gave him a small wave as we pulled away from the parking lot. I missed him too.