A Little Unsteady (A Grey's Anatomy Story)

The Only Person That Counts

I started wringing my hands as I paced back and forth in the living room. How the hell was I supposed to explain this to Arizona? How the hell was I supposed to explain this to my fiancé for crying out loud?!

As soon as I walked away from Amelia, I came straight home but Arizona had left to check on a patient. My mind zig-zagged with a million different scenarios. Was I going to be out on my ass in the next 2 hours? Was she going to call off the wedding? God why was I such an idiot? Why did I even kiss her? I barely knew the women and all it took was a brokenhearted story to get me to lock lips with her. Was that it? Am I so broken myself that I can only love and find comfort in others who are just as unfix-able as me? After this honey moon phase with Arizona are we just going to drift apart because she's too stable for me?

"Jesus Jamie sort your shit out" I mumbled to myself as I sat on the sofa, my knee bobbing up and down anxiously

I heard the door shut gently and I knew this was it. I had to tell her. I couldn't lie and I certainly couldn't tell her on our wedding day.

"Jamie?" I heard her soft voice echo through the hall

"In here" I said shakily, my voice husky

Arizona walked into the room and I shot up from the sofa. She could already tell that something was wrong just by the expression on my face.

"Jamie, what's up?" Arizona looked at me in confusion

"Arizona I did something awful and you're going to hate me and probably call off the wedding but I need to tell you because this is who you're marrying, this is what I am and I'm ashamed of that but I'm bad with feelings and commitment certainly isn't my specialty but I really need you to know you're the only person I love and will ever love-" I began blurting out sentences while throwing my hands around dramatically, hoping she'd make sense of what I was saying before she cut me off by placing her hands on either one of my shoulders

"Jamie, relax. What is it? What did you do?" Arizona tried to calm me but I could tell she was slightly irritated at the thought of what I might say

"I kissed another woman" I mumbled as I looked at the ground

Arizona's hands slipped from my shoulders as I watched her take a few steps back. I couldn't pin point a single emotion on her face but it was clear she was conflicted. Before she could question me, I took the silence as my opportunity to explain myself.

"I was at Mers and I stood outside for some air. Amelia Shepherd walked out and asked me if-" I began but was once again cut off

"Amelia Shepherd?" Arizona scoffed incredulously "Are you kidding me? You're going to ruin your marriage because of your dead friends sister?" she almost yelled

"It wasn't like that Arizona! We went for a walk and sat in the park. Amelia began talking to me about her past and I explained mine to her and things got kind of emotional and before I could back away she kissed me. I swear I stopped it the moment I realized what was happening. Arizona I swear to you it meant nothing." I almost begged.

I decided not to mention the bag of oxy, since I knew that wouldn't go down too well on top of everything else. We stood there for a moment in silence. Neither of us knowing what to say. Then there was a sharp look in Arizona's eye before something I certainly didn't expect to happen. Arizona closed the gap between us and took my face into her hands. Holding me gently but kissing me with more passion than I had felt in quite some time from her. We stood there and held each other and kissed until the need for oxygen became greater than our need for each other.

"What was that for?" I breathed, taken aback by her actions

"That's what it's like to kiss someone you love Jamie. I'm angry at you, believe me I am. But you're a grown woman, you can make your own mistakes. I'm not justifying you kissing Amelia but what I'm saying is, you can only make a certain amount of mistakes, kiss a certain amount of people until one day you're going to come home and the one person, the only person who counts, won't be there to kiss you the only way you should be kissed." Arizona said wisely

Her words brought tears to my eyes and I knew she was right. She was always right. I pulled her back into my arms and buried my face in her neck.

"I don't deserve you, I never did. I love you so much" I whispered against her neck, feeling the heat radiate from her skin

"I love you too Jamie, so very much and you're the only woman I want to spend the rest of my life with but if you keep this shit up you're going to leave me no choice but to walk away, I don't think I can take much more of you breaking my heart" she admitted

"I swear Arizona, that shit will never happen again. From now on, it's just you and me. And we're going to get married and everything is going to be just right" I reassured her as I came face to face with her before planting a gentle kiss on her lips

It was getting late and the both of us decided to call it a night. I lay in bed, on my back, with Arizona's head lying gently on my chest, listening to the beat of my heart, her arm wrapped softly around me. These were the moments I cherished. I knew she had forgiven me otherwise I would have been in DeLuca's old room. I placed a lingering kiss on her forehead as I watched her blue eyes sparkle up at me.

"I love you Arizona Robbins" I whispered in the darkness

"And I love you Jamie Quinn" she whispered softly in return as she strained her neck so that her lips could reach mine