A Little Unsteady (A Grey's Anatomy Story)

Nightmare

"911 what's your emergency?" I heard the distant voice call out

"My-my wife, she's uh, she's dead" I barely whispered into the phone

"Ma'am? Ma'am what's wrong? What has happened to your wife?" the woman asked in concern

"She's dead. You need to come and take her. She's dead." I muttered aimlessly

I knew by now she had already tracked my address, so I didn't bother saying anything more. I slouched against the wall and fell to the floor as I continued to listen to the distant voice that remained on the other side of the phone. I sat there with my free hand covering my mouth as the tears cascaded down my face. I watched as my wife lay peacefully in bed. Her worries, her fear, her pain, all vanished. It was over. But the worst had just begun for me.

Within 15 minutes an ambulance arrived and a loud knock came crashing against the door. The sun had already begun to rise over the horizon as I watched the light flicker through the curtains. I found some morsel of strength in me to pull myself from the floor as I walked out of the room and continued towards the front door. I opened it hesitantly as the paramedics rushed through.

"Ma'am we need to know your wife's situation. Where is she?" the paramedic asked as he placed a reassuring hand on my shoulder

I simply turned and motioned for them to follow me. I brought them into our room and watched them jump into action.

"Okay I need a defibrillator in here and one shot of adrenaline, I can't feel a pulse" he ordered the man next to him but before he could leave, I lost it

"Don't touch her!" I screamed as the two men stopped in shock and eyed one and other

"Miss we need to help your wife. How long has she been without a pulse?" he asked, slightly confused by my reaction

"She's dead, leave her be" I mumbled as my body began shaking

"Ma'am you're in shock okay we're going to get you out of here and give you a quick check up okay?" he said softly as he approached me

"I'm not moving" I gritted my teeth as I backed away from him "Don't touch me!" I yelled

"Ma'am I'm going to need you to calm down" he said sternly, yet sympathy flooded his face

"She had a tumor" I whispered "She had a tumor and it killed her. She doesn't need to be brought back. I just need you to take her away before our son wakes up. He doesn't need to see this" I said distantly as my mind remained in a fog, but some sense was breaking through

"Okay, we'll do that" he nodded, replying gently as if I might break if he raised his voice

I nodded in confirmation as I slid back down onto the floor, pulling my knees into my chest as I watched them wheel her body away on the gurney. Soon enough one of the paramedics returned.

"Would you like us to call anyone?" he asked kindly

I shook my head "No thank you, just have someone contact me when they're finished with her in the morgue" I mumbled

"Of course" he spoke softly as he turned to leave

They knew Arizona was suffering from a brain tumor, therefore there was no need for an autopsy and they wouldn't detect the morphine in her body.

I was all alone now. I began to sob as I buried my head in my knees, pulling them even closer into my chest to the point where I almost couldn't breath. Is that what I wanted? This life had already suffocated me enough I might as well just finish it off. I could be with Arizona again, no more worries, no more fighting. I was so tired. So tired of trying to fight for a cause I didn't have faith in anymore. Fighting for life but only just surviving, never truly living.

But I couldn't think like that. I needed to be strong. I needed to be here for Kayden. And just as my beautiful boy came into my thoughts, I heard him cry out from his room. He had just woken, unaware of the nightmare I had just been through. I was glad he was still so young, he wouldn't understand any of this. But then again he would never know Arizona, she'd never get to see him grow up, go to school, fall in love, have a family. She'd never be by my side to witness any of that.

I pulled myself up from the floor once more as I straightened myself out. I wiped away the remnants of my tears as I exited the bedroom and made my way to Kayden's room. I watched as he stood up from his crib and a gleaming smile broke out across his face. It was moments like these I thanked God for my son. He is the light of my life and even though he is so young his strength is immeasurable and his effect on people, just brightening their day with a single smile.

"Good morning buddy" I smiled as I picked him up and held him close to me as he snuggled into my shoulder

"Mommy" he cooed into my ear

I kissed him gently on the cheek as I brought him into the kitchen to make him some breakfast. I placed him into his high chair, watching as he turned towards the door and began grabbing the air.

"Momma, momma" he called out and I knew it wasn't me he was looking for

I felt my heart rip through my chest as I walked over to him and ruffled my hand through his hair.

"Hey little man, mommy had to go somewhere for a little while okay?" What was I supposed to say to a one year old?

He looked confused but his attention soon moved to the toys I had placed in front of him on his high chair. Thinking nothing of the situation. I sighed heavily as I turned back to the kitchen table to pick up my phone. Calling the only person I knew who could keep me from falling apart.

"Jamie?" I heard the familiar voice call softly through the phone

"Alex, I need you" I spoke as my lip began to quiver and the tears threatened to fall once more