A Little Unsteady (A Grey's Anatomy Story)

You Don't Want To Do This

"Derek was the big brother we all dream of. He protected me when no one else ever could and picked me up from the depths of rock bottom when I thought there was nothing left for me in this life." Derek's younger sister Amelia spoke from the podium

I watched on as Meredith clung to Alex at the top of the church. I sat at the back. And to be honest I almost didn't come. Funerals were the one thing I could not stand, after my brother died I swore I'd never face another funeral. But this was for Meredith, she didn't need me right now but I know she would never forgive me if I didn't show.

I've never met Derek's sisters, I've heard Meredith complain a lot about them. But they seemed supportive, I was particularly intrigued by Amelia. I've heard a lot about her. Her drug addiction and roller coaster relationship with her boyfriend, but she was also an amazing neurosurgeon and already there was talk around the Resident's locker room about her replacing Derek. However, if it was up to Meredith Grey, that was not going to happen.

The service came and went and just like that it was all over. Derek was put to rest and we all went back to Meredith's house. By late evening most of the guests had left, leaving only Mer, Alex, Derek's sisters and Me. Arizona got called into an emergency surgery after the service and had to leave. Mer was busy trying to settle the kids before bed so I decided to get some air out on the front porch.

"Hey, I haven't seen you around before" A soft voice came from behind me

"Oh hi" I smiled politely as I turned to face the woman leaning against the door frame

"I'm Amelia Shepherd" she smiled, holding out her hand

"Jamie Quinn" I said, shaking her hand "That was a beautiful eulogy earlier. I take it you and Derek were close?" I asked, making small talk

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. He saved me from being killed when we were young. Our father owned a store, he was held up at gunpoint and when he wouldn't hand over his watch, they shot and killed him. Derek and I were in the store at the time and he held me back and protected me." Amelia confessed

I wasn't quite sure how to reply to what she had just said so I just nodded sympathetically.

"So, are you new around here?" Amelia broke the silence that had fallen between us

"Uh, I've been here almost 5 years. I lived with Mer and Derek for a bit, they helped me through some stuff a while back" I said sincerely

"Oh, well I wish Derek had of introduced us sooner" she smiled "do you want to take a walk? I need to get out of here for a bit"

I looked back at the door and then back to Amelia before answering.

"Sure" I grinned as we stepped off the porch

We walked and talked for a bit until we reached a small, empty park about 20 minutes down the road from Meredith's. We found a bench at the edge of the park and took a seat. We sat in silence for a bit, letting the cold air clear our heads.

"If you're any friend to Meredith, I'm sure she's told you all about me" she muttered

"Yeah" I sighed, there was no point in pretending I didn't know about her turbulent past "Meredith told me some things" I admitted

She nodded in recognition as she looked away from me. I placed a supportive hand on her own, that rested on her knee. Immediately she turned to look at me, I left my hand there, she needed some comfort.

"I know what its like Amelia, but you shouldn't be ashamed. You've come back from some horrible times and you're still fighting. That's something to be proud of" I said supportively

Amelia looked at me with knowing eyes, she knew she had found someone to confide in. She reached into the pocket within her leather jacket and removed a small, clear plastic pouch filled with a white substance. I knew exactly what it was.

"Amelia, what the hell?" I asked, thinking she had been sober for quite some time now

"I don't know why, but ever since I heard Derek died, I've been carrying this around with me. I don't intend on taking it, but it's there. Almost mocking me, it shows just how weak I can really be" she admitted, defeated

"Amelia I've only just met you but one thing that did not cross my mind is that you are weak. You're anything but! Please just give me the oxy. I know you don't want to take it! Everything you've worked for, everything you've built yourself up to be, will be all for nothing" I pleaded as I held out my hand

"I lied" she said bluntly

"What?" I asked, confused

"I pretended I didn't know you, but any time I'm here all Meredith does is talk about everything you've been through. And how you came back from all the shit you've experienced and at the end of it all you met the love of your life. I know you want this just as much as I do" she admitted, waving the bag of white powder in front of my face

I was ashamed to admit that the more I looked at the substance in her hand, the more I really wanted to just forget everything for a little bit.

"Amelia" I whispered, my voice cracking weakly

She began to open the plastic pouch as if inspecting what was inside, her demons debating within her conscience. I wanted to give in, I wanted to just sit there and watch her take a line, and then take one for myself. Somewhere in the back of my mind something snapped and I knew this wasn't right.

I surged forward and gripped her hand in a tight fist.

"You don't want to do this" I gritted my teeth, sitting face to face with Amelia

My sudden outburst left her speechless as she sat there, her sweet breath hitting my face, we were that close. She searched in my eyes for something, an answer. I could feel her hand relax in mine and before I could move away I felt her advancing towards me, closing the small gap that separated us. I was frozen, did I want to move away? Because my body didn't seem to want to as her soft lips soon came in contact with mine. There was something desperate about the kiss, as if this is the closest human contact she's had in a long time. No one had cared for her like this in a very very long time. Instinctively my hand cupped her cheek as I moved that little bit closer and began kissing back. But as soon as I did, I knew these were the lips I should not have been kissing and I pulled away quickly. Standing up from the bench, I saw the hurt look in her eyes. I had the bag of oxycodone in my hand and I threw it into the trash can beside us.

"I'm sorry" my voice shook as I took one last look at her watering eyes, before walking away