A Little Unsteady (A Grey's Anatomy Story)

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The ceremony came and went and now I was faced with the dreaded silence that engulfed me, once everyone had left the house. Kayden was asleep. Although he was too young to understand what was happening, the magnitude of the day had taken its toll on him. I was now well and truly alone

The only thought comforting me right now was the liter bottle of vodka that sat waiting for me in the kitchen. I slouched through the hall and into the kitchen, swiping up the bottle of clear liquid that stood in front of me. I didn't bother with a glass, I just turned on my heels and returned to the living room. I fell back against the sofa as I brought the bottle to my lips, the smell alone of the fiery liquid was intoxicating and as I took one whole mouthful I felt the alcohol begin to burn the back of my throat. I needed that slight pain to distract me from the real pain that was ripping me apart inside. It took all of my being not to slip back into my old habits, every part of me ached for something more than just the escape of alcohol, I needed the one thing that I knew would help me forget everything around me, but I needed to stay strong, certainly not for myself but for Kayden. I needed to be the mom he deserved and remind him every day of the amazing woman Arizona was.

But right now, right now I was going to drown out the rest of the world with this bottle of vodka. It would have to do for now.

I finished the bottle far too quickly and soon felt the room begin to spin around me. I lay down on the sofa, hoping that maybe I'd pass out and forget everything for a couple of hours at least. And with that my eyes grew heavy and I soon found myself slipping into the darkness. A welcome release flooded through me as I stopped fighting and just let my body give in to sleep.

***

It took me a few minutes to realize where I was as I sat up to a pounding headache and a loud knock at the door. I had no idea what time it was or how much of the day had passed. And suddenly panic set in at the silence, what if Kayden had been crying all this time? What if he was hurt? But before I could run to check on him another loud knock startled me from my thoughts. I checked on him quickly and realized he was still sleeping. It was 11pm, I had been asleep for the last 5 hours!

I quickly turned and walked towards the door, only to be greeted by a familiar face.

"Hi" Amelia said softly

"What are you doing here?" I asked gruffly, still trying to wake myself up

"I came to see if you were okay" she smiled sadly

"You left after the service" I mumbled, stepping aside to let her in

"I didn't think you wanted me there, let alone back here among everyone else. You seemed preoccupied with Mer and Alex, so I thought you'd be okay" she answered sadly

"I needed you" my bottom lip began to quiver as I felt myself beginning to choke up

Amelia took me into her arms before saying another word. Her arms wrapped protectively around my fragile body as I buried myself in the warmth of her embrace.

"I'm so sorry" she whispered beside my ear

"I know" I mumbled into her shoulder

I stood back then and took her hand as I led her to the sofa. We both sat down beside each other as I brought myself as close as humanly possible to her and wrapped my arms around her, placing my head on her shoulder. She kissed the side of my head gently as we sat in silence for a moment.

"I don't want to hide anymore" I started

"Jamie, you just buried your wife. I know you're upset and you need someone right now and I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere so don't think you need to make me happy by announcing our relationship. Give yourself some time to heal, I'll be right by your side and when you're truly ready, we can take this further, together" she said wisely