Straight through the Heart

Chapter 12

I wake up in a frenzy as I try to understand where I am. I glance around and recognize my familiar desk, dresser, and bed. I sigh in relief as I lay back on my bed. Part of me hopes this was all a dream. Another part of me knows that's wishful thinking.

I feel as incredibly sore as I was the past few days. The soreness doesn't tell me anything. Slowly, I glance down at my wrists. I cringe at the sight of my wrists. They're bright red and raw from the rope which bounded my wrists. There's a lot of crusty dried blood along my wrists too.

My throat feels like I have mono. It hurts to swallow and it's very tender to touch too. I turn my head down to look at my clothes. I'm dressed in my pajama sweats and a big tshirt.

This is also when I notice the paper on top of my purse at the foot of my bed. I pick it up and turn it around. It's a square white paper with a little heavier weight than normal paper. Typed neatly in the middle, the paper reads, "Tell no one. We'll know."

I rip up the paper in anger and chuck it away from me. Honestly, I'm quite frightened. My hands can't stop shaking right now. I try to calm myself down as I continue to shake. I can handle what has happened up to know. However, the fact that I'm inside my bedroom with pajamas on scares me deeply. The fact that they are able to get me inside my house without anyone noticing is one thing. The second fact that I am in my pajamas also shows how easily they can get to me.

I feel vulnerable. I feel used. I feel like I have no control over my life.

My breathing worsens as I continue to think these things. I feel my heart racing  as I tremble. Crawling into fetal position, I try to shut everything out.

One, two, three, four, five...I try counting to calm me down but the sweating, trembling, and choking feeling doesn't go away. The room is spinning and I grip my pillow as tightly as I can. It feels like forever as I lay crawled up in bed.

It must have been twenty minutes before I finally feel normal again. I know what just happened. I had my first panic attack. I've read and studied panic attacks but  never thought I would experience one.

I lean my back against the bed post and hug my knees to my chest. At this moment, I feel as though I'm the only one in the world and the world is out to get me.

I glance at my wrists and grow frustrated as I stare at the angry marks. I don't even want to see what my neck looks like. My wrists are already glowing from the bruise discoloration. A gentle prod at my neck brings me shooting pain too.

Grabbing one of Robin's sweatshirts from my closet, I pull the sleeves as low as possible so I don't see the marks around my wrist.

Searching through my purse, I notice everything is in place. I scroll through the front screen of cellphone, noticing the notifications from the past hours. Looking at the time and date, I deduce that I have only been missing for three and a half hours. The sun has not set but it will soon.

"Dad." I dial him and say as soon as he picks up.

"Why'd you leave the hospital so soon? Are you okay?" My dad responds with a calm voice. It's as if he didn't notice I was gone.

"Yeah...I'm well. I just needed some air and space..." I trail off before checking my past texts and calls. My eyes widen in shock at the texts apparently sent from me after I was tranquilized. I had sent my parents and Robin a text stating I was going back home to take a much needed shower and nap.

"That's good. You want anything for dinner? Robin and your mom are going to grab dinner with  Sebastian's mother."

"Lisa probably has something in the fridge. How's Sebastian?" I try my best to sound as normal as possible. My dad is really good at detecting things. He and mom have some weird telepathic ability. It's difficult to hide things from them. I remember trying to sneak out with the twins in high school with the car and my parents totally saw it coming. My mom and Uncle Tony were sitting on the hood of the car waiting for us. Of course, neither the twins or me knew how to drive since we were freshmen and sophomores.