for better or for worse

9

I was exhausted.

I knew I wouldn't be able to put in any work at the office or even at my home office today. So when I get home I was going to ask the nanny to stay with the girls for the night while I caught up on some sleep.

I wanted to take the girls to see Jacob in a few months. I wanted him to remember who he was doing this for.

Walking into the house, I was greeted with silence. Looking at the Rolex on my wrist, I saw that it was only 1:00 in the afternoon. Walking towards the kitchen, I could hear squeals and laughter and splashes coming from the backyard. I knew immediately that Elijah had them in the pool on this hot summer day.

Callie and Baja were the only reasons I kept going. The only reason that kept me motivated and kept me from going insane. They were beautiful and haven't yet been tainted by the horrors of this world. They knew that they had two daddies. And they knew that Jacob was their father, and that he wasn't around like he should be. I never tried to make them forget about him or anything like that. Anything they wanted to know about him, they asked and I answered.

I just lied about one thing. When they asked where his was. I told them Jacob had a big important job and traveled all around the country.

" Daddy's home! Callie, look! Daddy's home!" There was no doubt in anyone's mind, that knew Jacob, that Baja was his child. She shined like the star she was. She could walk in a room and she had to have all eyes on her. Callie was more like me. She was more mellow and down-to-earth. But no matter how different they were, they always had each other's back and often ganged up on me together.

" I know he's there, Baja I can see him just like everybody else."

" Girls, alright your daddy's home, let's go inside and watch up. I'm making grilled cheese for lunch." When Elijah mentioned grilled cheese, the girls immediately jumped out of the pool and ran into the house, but not before stopping by me and giving me a kiss Hello.

" Callie and Baja, no running. Your feet is wet you might fall." Elijah warned but we both shook our
heads. We know it fell on deaf ears.

"You look exhausted." Elijah said to me while picking up all the toys the girls used in the pool.

"Is it that obvious?" I chucked. I didn't get much  sleep last night. If Jacob was going to leave me in the middle of the night, I wanted to watch him walk out the door. I wanted to watch him choose drugs over his family again.

But he didn't. He stayed. He's at the rehab facility. He was going to make an effort this time.

"Even with bags under your eyes, you still manage to look good." I sighed at this.

'I'm a fucking hypocrite.' I thought to myself.

Elijah was a great nanny. He loved the girls and for the past 2 years, he cared for them like they were his own.  He's still in college and can dedicate his life to them and still stay afloat in his classes. About a year ago, after Jacob had ran out of a another  rehab center, I came home from work after receiving the news, distraught and drunk as fuck. Elijah had just put the girls to bed. And stayed a little after to cook me dinner.

One thing led to another and we ended up having sex. I woke up the next morning, having remembered everything and hating myself. I had just cheated on my marriage.

It didn't matter what was happening with Jacob, I took those vows we said very seriously. For Better or For Worse. 

" Hey, you ok? Your zoning out on me." Elijah said snapping me back into reality. He was close now, rubbing up and down my arm.

"I'm ok, just a little stressed. Jacob called me yesterday, he's ready to get clean, now." At this Elijah, looked down at the ground and sighed.

"How do you know he's for real this time?" He was biting his lip and looking anywhere but at me.

"All I can do is hope." That's all I pretty much had left for Jacob.

Hope.

"What if it doesn't work out this time? You can't keep doing this to yourself, Chresanto. You can't keep doing this to the girls. It's draining you, Santo. And the girls are starting to notice. He's a grown man, Chresanto. He knows what he's doing and he knows that no matter what, he'll always have you in his corner." By the time he was done, he was staring into my eyes.

I knew he was right. Everything he said true.

" Elijah, don't ever try to tell me about my husband. Do your job, get paid then go home."