for better or for worse

27

       

"Chresanto, I said why do you have my phone?" Jacob said, again.

Was he really that nervous about seeing his parents again? Why didn't he just talk to me? Last time. He started doing drugs because I was working all the time and because we had lost a child.

This time we lost no one and I work a lot less. I didn't understand.

Suddenly, the phone was snatched from my hand. I looked up at Jacob, who was looking at his phone.

"Chresanto...." Jacob starts.

I stand up abruptly cutting him off. I walk over to the closet and take down one of Jacob's big suitcases, I walk over to the drawer and open them. I began to put Jacob's clothes in them.

"Baby, stop. Please, Chresanto." Jacob pleads to me.

I thought addiction was something you could beat. As long as you worked at it and wanted to beat it. Maybe I was wrong. All I knew was that I wasn't going to go through this again.

"Chresanto, I'm sorry. I know it was wrong, but it was just that one time." Jacob admits.

I stop packing his things. I turned around to face him. He had his face in his hands and there were tears streaming down.

"I want you out, Jacob." I said to him.

"Chresanto, please don't do this." Jacob says. He walks up to me and hugs me around my waist.

"Chresanto. I need help." Jacob whispers. "I'm scared. Please, don't make me leave."

I unlatch his arms from around my waist. Then, I take a step back.

"I wanna know everything, Jacob. When it happened, what happened, everything." I said.

Jacob nods and sits down on the bed. I remain standing.

"I was going to tell you, Chresanto. I swear." Jacob said, looking at me.

The lying is already starting.

"It was one time. I just went, did it, and came back home. The girls weren't here and I rode the high out in the car." Jacob said. "It won't happen again."

"Why, Jacob? 9 months of recovery, gone down the drain." I felt so defeated. "There were so many other options or choices, Jacob. You can always talk to me. You shouldn't have done that."

Jacob looked at me and the tears steadily streamed down his face. He looked away from me and at his hands.

"It's all I can think about sometimes. I hate it but I need it, Chresanto." Jacob said.