Spotlight #the2017Awards

Chapter 26

"Run the beat and blow my speakers
And make me feel like I'm the only girl
(Yeah)" -Stereo Soldier by Little Mix

"Goddamn it" I smashed my hands roughly against the pianos keys creating a strangled sound. Week eight would see us singing two songs plus our group number which raised the pressure so much more.

Jesse and Iris still hasn't left yet, they were always lurking somewhere and it made me touchy. Mason had began to notice my erratic behaviour and now that he knew the truth he treated me like glass... which pissed me off. I may have been a bit of a hot mess for a good year and a bit depressed but I suppressed that well enough that people didn't treat me in such a way that I was perceived as weak.

But that wasn't the main issue, one of them was that the competition was getting intense now... Well at least more so than it was before. However some were cracking for different reasons... I mean Jack who was obviously missing Cole. It was strange because as soon as Mason and I found out about Cole and Jack, Cole was eliminated. It was cruelty at its finest.

I was faltering I could feel it. Part of me hated the fact I was so close to the end and yet I was here almost having a mental breakdown, fuck I was drowning in this now. I heard my phone beep and when I went to check it , I noticed it was an email from Dom. Dominic Clarence was a good guy and he and still kept in touch and once or twice he had come to visit me which was nice because his almost brotherly protectiveness warmed me and the fact he didn't speak to Jesse anymore made me feel better too.

"Alright Marley...breathe and relax" I posted my hands over the piano and flexed. Playing the opening notes to a song always feels alittle strange at first but eventually the paino begins to feel like an extension of yourself ... Even though I never played on stage. "Written on these walls are the stories that I can't explain..." Story of my life was one of my songs I had to sing for this week (after our group rendition of 'Still into you') and the other one was 'story of us' by Taylor Swift - we seeing a theme here?

After I was finished I began to think a big more deeply than I once had and about things I hadn't really thought of either. Like maybe I should tell Jesse about me being pregnant and then getting an abortion. Maybe I should tell Mason I am falling in love with him.

I'm falling in love with Mason.

It's only been eight weeks but yet here I was almost willing to sacrifice everything to be with him. But I still had some issues...like I felt weird about sleeping with him because of well the pregnancy but on the other hand I couldn't that factor control my life anymore than it already had.

That's it I will tell him after this round. But that's in a few more days... Could I wait that long?

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Round Eight , it's beginning and it scares me. I felt my hands shaking and I could feel myself sweating through my costume. "Hey" I turned around to see Mason with his band standing behind him. I was slightly distracted by Jacks sullen look, like he might cry. "Jack...Are you okay?" I asked him which seemed to snap him out of his sullen trance. "Yeah..yeah Marley, thanks" he was so out of it but I didn't pry because I knew it was about Cole.
"Mason...Can we talk later?" I asked him softly and he nodded but I couldn't help but notice the flash of panic in his eyes before it settled into nerves again.

We were all called out onto the stage where the lights felt brighter and the stares harder. Singing 'still into you' was strange because it was all about still being in love with someone after a long period but I couldn't resonate with that because I didn't love Jesse anymore even though I had for so long. Once the song had finished I barely had to wait before it was my turn.

My theme for this round was 'stories' (themes weren't commonly used but this time I was tasked with one) which led to me singing 'story of my life' by One Direction and 'story of us' by Taylor Swift. It felt so weird because I felt like both of these songs correlated to both boys in my life: Mason and Jesse. Story of my life extended to Mason but Story of Us  seemed to extend to Jesse but even that seemed to have flaws in its design. When i was finished I felt about choked up but professionalism prevailed and I held it back.

Comments.

The judges comments were easily one of the most terrifying of the round and the fact they switched it up from solo evaluation to group, perhaps it was a way to keep on edge. Today it was solo. "Marley, your song choices are well suited to your theme but I feel like your conflicted in what message your trying to convey...have you been in love?" my brain wasn't comprehending who was speaking so I merely stared out like a dear in the headlights. "Uhh yes I am...I mean I have, I don't-" my felt flustered and my brain tuned out the comments until I was gently ushered off stage.

Even the final call seemed to become white noise to me where Edward Redmund was sent home.

Walking back I stopped Mason while he was walking back himself. "Marley, hey you wanted to talk?" he looked surprised to see me "oh yeah I needed to talk to you about something important" I felt the blush rise to my cheeks. "Marley, if your not ready to have a relationship of sorts then I completely understand but I will always be here for you-"

"I wanted to talk to you about sex"

good one Marley...not

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Oh Marley you poor love.

sorry guys i haven't written in a few days but I graduated high school!!!! and I have been so busy but I appreciate the patience!

Love you all xx