Without a Clue {Diall}

Chapter Twenty-Six: The Lowest Boy

Chapter Twenty-Six word count: 7374 words

please pay close attention to the trigger warnings for this chapter:

(Trigger warnings: Descriptive implications of suicide and death. The topic is never directly mentioned, but it is heavily implied that, that is what happens in this chapter. Please do not read this if it will effect you negatively, or read with caution. You do not have to read this chapter in order to continue with the story, so please do not feel left out if you can't read this chapter because the other information will repeat eventually. Also, feel free to message me and I will tell you what happened in this chapter without the triggers.

a/n: so as you can see from the word count and the warnings, this chapter is pretty intense. i've had this chapter planned for so long so I'm really nervous how everyone will feel about it. I know it seems really REALLY sad, but i promise there probably won't be another chapter in this book that is as sad as this. )

I wake up a bit frantic, my heart beating quickly as I sit up and take in my surroundings, the room still completely dark. I reach out my right hand desperately and feel even worse when my hand comes in contact with the cool sheets instead of something more, someone more. I feel around a bit more but it's obvious Niall's not there. I've always had nightmares, ever since I can remember. They're never about the same thing, always about what I'm worried about at the time, or things I've been thinking about recently. I hate to really call them anything because they feel so insignificant compared to Niall's. My nightmares are pleasant daydreams compared to the horrors he faces when he's asleep.

It feels a bit silly that I'd like Niall to be here to comfort me when in reality if I were there to comfort him like he wanted me to be, I wouldn't be having this problem. I manage to slow down my breathing quickly, but my heart is still beating incredibly fast and I just want to hear Niall's voice. He really does make me feel better. I reach for my phone on my nightstand, feeling around for it in the dark for a few seconds before finding it. For just a moment I see the time and feel my heart fall, but then I remember that 3:19 in the morning my time, is 11:19 in Ireland, and I can call him right this second if I'd like. I've got a text from him actually, from three hours ago.

morning ! We love you , text me wen yer up !

God, it's so him that it almost makes me want to cry. I just miss them so much. Why did I ever let them go back home? There's a few tears at that but I wipe them away quickly, knowing Niall's just a call away. That's what I do; I go to my phone app and click Niall's contact, right at the top of my favorites list. His name pops up on the screen, well 'niall' with the red heart emoji and the moon face pops up. I'm not really sure why that's what I've decided should be his name in my phone, but I love it nonetheless.

It rings a couple times, and I can't stand that. I can't stand every ring that's between him and me. He doesn't answer. The call drops off into a nondescript reading of his phone number before it allows me to leave a message.

"Hey, Ni. Just having a bit of a bad night. Call me back when you get this even if it's late, alright? I love you both so much." It's so hard not to cry, but I don't, not wanting to scare Niall. Maybe I'm just a tad bit emotional right now and I miss them more than I ever thought I could. I'm only a bit worried that Niall doesn't answer, so I try to remember if he's especially busy today. I think he might be at the studio today to finish a song that the boys have been working on. They've got all the vocals except his, so he's been under a bit of pressure to get it done. I know it's a bit horrible to say this but I'm glad that One Direction will only have one more album and tour before they go on an extended break and Niall can have his own schedule again.