To Hell With Decency (Frerard AU) [COMPLETED]

Thirty One

When we get to the hospital Frank parks in the first place he can and Patrick runs inside with me attempting to keep up. He runs up the stairs and by the time I get there he's sitting on the side of Pete's bed holding his hand. "Petey are you ok?" "Yeah Patty" "I fucking missed you" "I'm so sorry" "I missed you so much". I feel bad just standing here watching them while they talk privately and Patrick seems to be about to cry so I just walk in and rest my hand on the small of Patrick's back.

Pete looks up at me and smiles "You look the exact same" "It hasn't been very long, you were asleep like a week not a year" "Still, I look like shit next to you" "You're fucking hot shut up" "In a hospital gown with shitty hair" "Your hair never looks normal anyway and its just messy" "Whatever"

Patrick looks up at me and gives me a little smile so I rub my hand on his back and look at this beautiful boy. I can't believe he actually said he loves me and wants to be with me when he has someone like Pete who he could be with instead.

"Is Frank coming?" "Yeah he's probably coming up, Patrick ran pretty fast to come see you" "Of course he did, he's the least athletic person ever but when he gets excited he's a monster". Patrick giggles and holds Pete's hand tighter "You know me well, I missed you" "I know, you've said it a million times" "I just missed you so much"

He's tearing up again and Pete takes the hand that isn't being clung onto like a life line and runs it through Patrick's hair "I'm so so sorry babe" "Why did you do it?" "I don't know, I was in a bad place and I didn't know what to do" "Why didn't you tell me?" "I couldn't" "I don't care, I fucking came home and found my boyfriend hanging from the ceiling in our room, do you even fucking know how much that sucks?" "I'm sorry"

Patrick's freely crying by now and Pete looks like he's about to as well so I take my hand off his back and slide it around his waist "Calm down Patrick, this should be a happy moment" "It is but I'm so pissed and upset too".

Pete's eyes go to my arm around Patrick and I forgot that he didn't know that me and Frank broke up and now me and Patrick are doing whatever it is. We're not really dating but I really like him so I don't know. I hope Pete agrees because Patrick needs him to just support it or I'll loose him and I really don't want that.

Patrick looks at Pete then back at me and wipes a tear off his cheek "Gerard can you leave please, I need time with Pete". I step away and look at the ground embarrassed and nod "Yeah ok, I'm sorry, me and Frank can wait outside until you guys are ready" "Thank you, I just need time with my boyfriend"

Then my heart breaks. I wanted to be his boyfriend, I wanted to be the one he sleeps with at night and the one he loves but its Pete, its still Pete. I thought they were going to just keep being friends, Patrick specifically told me he didn't want to date him anymore because a romantic sexual relationship didn't work. What a bunch of bullshit.

I step back even further and try not to glare at Patrick "Yeah fine, whatever, I'll be outside with Frank".

I walk out and slam the door behind me and throw myself forward into Franks arms as he and Mikey sit on the chairs across the hall.

Frank and Mikey have each other and Patrick and Pete are probably just going to keep dating. Everything will be happy and perfect like the last week never happened but then there's me. I had Frank but we weren't in love and I broke up with him and now I lost him as a fuck buddy when he started dating my brother. Then I fell in love with Patrick but now he ditched me and I don't know if I'm just a quick fuck for everyone in my life. I was fine with it when it was Frank because I knew that was all I was to him but now it happened again to someone I poured as much love as I could into. All I am is a slut and maybe that's all I should be, I'm done with love.