Broken Half

Chapter Twenty//Secrets

I said yes to Luke. What was I thinking? I obviously wasn't thinking. I haven't even told the boy what happened. He doesn't know half of the thoughts I have. I feel so different around him. A good kind of different. I forget all of my problems when I am with him, so maybe it wasn't a bad idea to give him a chance.

I decide to take a walk today I needed to go to my thinking spot for a while. I walk to my hidden place. I see Michael sitting there on the same spot I met him. I wonder what he really thinks about here.

"Michael." I said while walking towards him.

"Hey Ellie." He said trying to bring out a smile on his face but couldn't bring himself to such a task.

Instead of sitting beside him like the first time I sat on the grass in front of him.

"What's wrong?" I ask him seeing sadness in his eyes. He doesn't answer a few moments then he responds my question.

"Do you ever feel like your lost? You don't know what your purpose of being here is. You try to answer your own question and make your own happiness but its to hard so you just want to give up."

"All the time." I whisper. He glances at me and looks back down.

"I just don't know what to do for this feeling to go away."

I have no good answer for this I ask myself the same question everyday, so how can I help him If I don't even know how to help myself.

"How about we figure it out together?" I say looking at him trying to give him the warmest smile.

He nods "So why do you come here?" Asking me the same question that I had previously wanted to ask him.

"Just some issues I have to deal with myself... Its kind of hard explaining." It was hard telling Michael that I had gone through things in my other foster homes, that I had killed my parents, that I cut myself because of all the things that crashed into my head in the worst moments. I don't deserve a friend like Michael. I don't deserve any of these boys.

"Don't we all? And I get you."

"Hey how about we make a deal." He says.

"What if I tell you something I have never told anyone before and you tell me something no one knows about you." I hesitated at first but at this point I really had nothing to loose. He deserves to know something and I obviously want to get to know him.

"Alright. Well their was this one time I think I stole a gum from my mom's purse without asking."

"Wow, such a rebel" He said scrunching his nose. We both busted out laughing.

"No, um how about you start." I told Michael to see how serious he was about this. This was my plan so if he tells me something really serious I will tell him something as serious if he tells me a secret that isn't that serious then I will tell him one that isn't that serious as well.

"Okay um a secret ... I get terrible Anxiety before any type of performance. Its really hard to pursue something I love so much and be scared all at the same time. Its not even the people that listen to me who scare me. I think its more my head messing with all my emotions. I have been practicing to get over it all. You aren't the first to know but its something that not many people know, well besides my parents and the boys but that's it. My mom thinks I should try to get help but I don't know how I feel about seeing a therapist. I have a feeling that if I go see one I will have to go for a while because I know that's not the only thing I am dealing with." He confesses to me.

I could relate to everything Michael said. In that moment I wanted to hug him and tell him that I still do through the same stuff.

"I'm sorry and hey if you ever need to talk to someone I'm here just text me or call me and we will meet at our secret spot."

"Thanks E."

"Yea— I have been in the Foster system for a bit over a year and I have managed to be in four Foster homes. I feel so pathetic moving from one place to another. Knowing that the next family might just not want you anymore, just because I am Seventeen they predict I won't be hurt if they throw me away like nothing, and other times that hasn't been the case. Other times its been tougher. But I am here now, In a good home. Well for now that's until Anne decided to also give up on me and just throw me away too."

"Anne Isn't like that she won't do anything to harm you she doesn't give up on people, she tries to help them. She is full love to go around and I have a feeling you will be here a while, I am also really sorry about everything you've gone through Ellie I hope everything gets better."

"Yea me too and I kind of have to go to therapy and well its not the best but I kind of have the feeling that they really want to help me move on with life. But the problem is that I don't think I am capable of doing that." We just sat in silence for a while.

"So hows it going with Luke." He asked.

"Hu?" I said looking at him with confusion. He already knows?

"Well we can obviously tell that you two have a thing for each other."

"Really? We are dating I think."

"You think?"

"Yea um well we made it official yesterday."

"Wow I am happy for you two." He says.

"I haven't told Ashton about it, I don't know how he is going to feel about this."

"I bet he will be happy for you guys too." He says trying to bring up the best case senecio.

"I don't know about that but I hope he isn't that upset when we tell him."

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Hello bubs!
Hope you guys have a good weekened💓 a chapter a little longer than my last one.

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