Broken Half

Chapter Twenty One//Why?

(Reread the last two updates if you don't really remember what's going on)

Me and Ashton start walking towards the schools front doors like usual. Luke was waiting right in front of the school.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked me with a serious expression on his face. Ashton looked at me with a concerned look and looked back at Luke.

"Yea." I said walking in with Luke and leaving Ashton behind.

We turned in the corner and stopped. He looked at me for what seemed like forever.

"I am really happy." He said smiling then leaning in for a hug. "And why is that?" I ask him while hugging him back. He breaks our hug and looked at me. "Because of you." He says bring his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him. I smile while nuzzling my head on his chest.

"When are we going to tell Ash? I think we should talk to him before he finds out from someone else..."

"How do you think he will take it?" He asks looking down at me.

"I have no idea Luke, I don't think he will be too happy with our decision." I tell him kind of over thinking what Ashton might say. I know I shouldn't care much about it but he see's me like a sister and even though we are not related I also see him as family. I am dating one of his best friends and this feels like betrayal.

"You said it E. Our decision. Not Ashton or anybody else's." He kissed my forehead and gave me one last smile as he walked away.

I walked in to my first class and sat by Ashton.

"What did he say?" He curiously asked.

"Nothing important." I tell him trying my best to sound believable.

He nods and drops the subject.

***

I am scared. What if I am doing this all wrong. I am confused and lost. I am letting people in when I promised myself I would never, ever do that again. I am so messed up because I don't know what I actually want and I am dragging these boys down with me. Its not fair. I'm not fair. I want to just take a break from reality and maybe disappear for a while. Disappear and go to another universe by myself. Alone without my thoughts.

My hands start to shake and I put down my pen. I pace back and forth in my room pulling the roots of my hair. I slide down my bedroom door trying to catch my breath but I can't. I can see the blood seeping through my grey hoodie. I did this again, for a while I had stopped and I hurt myself again. I tend to do this whenever I feel that things are getting out of control, when I feel like I can't stop what's happening around me. I tug my legs closer to my chest. I am trying to be as quite as I possibly can be. Anne wasn't home since she was working but Ashton was and I was afraid he would hear me.

A few minutes pass and I hear a knock on the door. I stand up quickly. Trying so hard to catch my breath and bring it back to normal, but its not happening. Seconds later I hear people say my name. Ashton? Luke?

"Yea?" I say with a raspy voice I hope they didn't notice. "Can we come in?" Ashton asks and I shake my head no even though they can't see me. They come in anyways I cover my face with the sleeves of my hoodie, like if by doing so I would some how disappear.

They turn on the light since the only thing that illuminated my room was the sun setting.

"Ellie." Ashton says, I can hear the confusion in his voice. "E what's going on?" Luke says getting closer.

"Go away!" I tell them still cover my face. I can feel my abnormal heart beating. I don't want the boys seeing me like this. This is the person I am afraid to showing people and they are seeing me like this. Both of them get closer than they were before. "We aren't going anywhere Ellie." Ashton says.

"Just please go away, Please!"

At some point Luke notices the blood on my hoodie. "Ellie, what did you do." trying to see my arm. But I don't let him. I push both Ashton and Luke trying to get them to leave. I can't even move them and at this point I just crash to the ground and I start crying again.

I feel Ashton looking down at me and I hear Luke curse under his breath and fall on his knees in front of me. He grabs my arm and pulls my sleeve up. They both look at my open wound, and see the rest of my scars. Their aren't much, but I can see Ashton's eyes start to water a bit and he blinks a few times, so no tears slip his eyes.

"Ashton go bring some band aids" Luke tells Ashton. Ashton nods and runs out of the room in search for some band aids.

I am staring at the ground still breathing heavily. Luke tilts my head up. I look at his blue eyes that look sad. I did this... I almost made Ashton cry, I made Luke sad, I knew I would do something to hurt these boys I knew it. I am mad at myself cause I told myself not to get too attached because someone was bound to get hurt.

"Baby why do you do this? Why..." He bits down on his bottom lip that is shaky.

I run my figures over his lips and then rest my hand on his cheek and kiss him. I get up and walk out of my room and out of the house.

I always seem to be running away from all of this... I am afraid and I don't know how to control my thoughts or how to control what I am feelings.

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Hello. I know I haven't updated in so long. I am so sorry. I still don't know If it was right of me to make this chapter. I feel like so much was going on.

Hope you liked it!

Should I dedicate a song to each Chapter? I think that would be kind of cool lol. I might do that.

Have a good weekend friends!

-Wen xxx