value || jikook

twenty one

jungkook shifted awkwardly in the changing room, eyes focused on the cart that was right outside. he had no idea what clothes to try on first. jimin was waiting off to the side, and staring with an encouraging gaze at him.

so jungkook grabbed two random items that he thought might look well together and stepped backwards into the changing room, yanking the curtain closed behind him.

he pulled his shirt over his head and grabbed the other one he had chosen. right has he was about to raise it over his head, he looked at himself.

he still had cuts and scrapes along his body from the endured beatings from before. they were faint, having healed a bit as the time passed by. there were also a few remaining bruises along his stomach and scars on his back.

all of these recovering wounds splotched his body like strips of the past. strips of the past he wished to forget, but it would take a lengthy chunk of time to achieve that. he knew that all too well. but he didn't care either. jungkook wanted to heal with such an eager spirit that he could feel it would happen eventually, even if it took months.

he looked better than before, so it was only natural. before he had moved in with jimin, he had been suffering. even before he had met jimin at that casino and outside his university he had been suffering then too. it was everyday for him.

his insides ripping themselves apart, his brain at a rigorous speed generating thoughts and reasons as to why this suffering was supposed to happen, that he deserved it, and that he should know it was his fault. the soul that resided inside him had been tainted with a black that had grown to consume his entire being.

jungkook would look at himself and see a disgrace. someone who didn't need to be alive or even breath, for he was wasting valuable air that could go into someone else's lungs and propel them just a bit further into that life they lived. his body was a scrapped together mess of skin and limbs, forming a monster that called itself human. a boy who's mind was trapped by the cage of those around him, telling him that he was not to be looked upon, not to be cared for, not to be ever loved.

he was merely the bigger shell of a boy that grew up in the shadow of the ones who lived such happy lives. he was a man with no family, others held no respect for his ways, and someone with really no purpose.

that was why the moment he saw jimin, the moment jimin smiled at him, the moment they spoke, jungkook felt that endless pit of black and gray inside him rumble with a crack. light had somehow whispered into his ear a happy calling and he waited for it to consume him with a ready conscious.

but like all processes, it would take time. for it was already starting because he was better. much much better, all because of jimin.

so jungkook was almost glad he had met jimin. almost. he was still preparing for jimin to throw him out though. and that pained him, thinking about someone he was placing an increasing amount of trust in kicking him to the curb. but jimin would never do that, at least he hoped.

the male pulled on the pair of jeans he chose, dark blue ripped jeans that hugged his legs tightly. then he pulled on the black button up, carefully pushing the small buttons into the small cut out holes to close up the open space.

after dressing, he examined himself closely. he looked fine, but he of course had his many doubts.

"are you gonna let me see yet?" jimin suddenly asked. jungkook froze up, a swallow making its way down his throat.

the thought of jimin judging him was a bit nerve racking. he would most certainly think he looked like trash. trash that had just thought he looked okay. if jimin didn't like it, jungkook might actually throw himself off a roof.