The Great Big Book of Imagines IS MOVING TO A NEW ACCOUNT

I Hate U, I Love U +Dan Howell+

It's been a year, I thought I could move on. That I'd be okay not seeing your stupid dimples everyday. I thought I'd be able to pass you on the street and not have my heart break. I just wish I could stop loving you. Especially when I see her with you.

I step off the lift and walk to the studio. It's the day I record a song for my cover album. BBC let me rent a recording booth for cheap. I stop at the window of the Radio 1 show. You are smiling and laughing as Phil probably makes a horrible pun. Your eyes are locked on the girl sitting near the door. You probably feel eyes on you because your eyes flick up and meet mine for a second.

I feel tears sting at the corner of my eyes and a keep walking. I hate you. I hate how much love you. I hate that need you. I reach the booth I booked and open the door. I hook my laptop to the mic in the booth. I pull the head set over one of my ears and pop an ear bud in the other so I can her the instrumental track.

Feelin' used but, I'm still missin' you
And I can't see the end of this, just wanna feel your kiss against my lips
Now all thia time is passin' by but, I still can't seem to tell you why it hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you...

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you...

Tears continue rolling down my cheek as I sing the lyrics that I identify with way too much. I keep my eyes squeezed shut as I sing.

The song ends and I slowly open my now swollen and red eyes and see you on the other side of the glass. You wipe a tear off your cheek.

You press the button so I can hear you speak, "I never knew. I'm so sorry."

"You have her. Clearly, I wasn't good enough." I set the headphones on their hook and switch the mic off.

You stay put as you walk out of the booth and look at my laptop to ensure the session was recorded. You stare at me from the few feet of distance between us.

"I really did love you." You say looking me in the eyes.

"No Dan, you didn't. You never gave a damn. Don't act like you did. I gave you everything I had and you still chose her. I get to live with that, not you. You don't have to feel the pain I do."

"I miss you." You look at me with tears in your eyes.

"I love you but, I can't. I won't. You want her. Go to her. She looks at you the way I did. As much as that hurts go. Just go." You don't protest my words. You just turn and leave. I wipe the moisture from my tear soaked cheeks and sit down to edit and add the instrumental to the track.