Just an illusion. | Jaythan AU | co-written with @chasing_TW

Chapter twelve

Chapter twelve.

As Nathan began walking toward Jay's house, he felt a tug on his arm. He turned around to find Jay pulling him back.

"Is something wrong, Jay?" he asked.

"It's just, I can't shake this feeling that tonight isn't over. I feel like I should go after him. He didn't seem okay."

"Of course he's not okay! Jay, he's a psycho!" Nathan yelled into the night. His voice echoed across the streets. He couldn't believe Jay actually cared about Tom. For God's sake, the crazy bloke had almost killed him!

Jay looked shocked and hurt at Nathan's words and tone of voice. It wasn't until Nathan thought about it that he realized that his words also offended Jay. After all, both Tom and Jay were schizophrenics.

"No, Jay, I didn't-"

"Of course you didn't", Jay replied coldly. Nathan's heart sunk to the pit of his stomach. What had he done?

"Jay, I didn't mean it like that! Tom is a psycho for trying to kill you, not because he's a schizophrenic!"

"Yeah, sure. You know Nathan", Jay said as his voice grew louder and more harsh, "I actually thought you cared. I thought you loved me. But again you've proven me wrong. You never loved me. You felt sorry for me, didn't you?"

"No! That's not it!"

Jay continued, completely ignoring Nathan's sorrow-filled words. "You pitied me. You thought it would make me feel better if you pretended to love me. Well guess what, Nathan? In that case you should've let Tom kill me!"

"No! Jay please don't say that!" Nathan pleaded. Jay couldn't possibly think Nathan didn't love him! His whole world was Jay. He was all that mattered to him. To think that Jay didn't think he loved him was to stick a dagger in his own heart and twist it in there.

"You know what? I don't care what you say anymore. I don't care what anyone says. I'm going after Tom to make sure he's okay. If I don't come back, don't look for me! Not that you would. Since I'm only a burden on your shoulders."

Nathan was breaking down into tears now. "Jay please", he begged with a shaky voice and a knotted up throat.

Jay was crying too, but not for the same reasons as Nathan was. He cried out of anger and depression. Nathan never loved him; he was wrong to ever think so.

With that, Jay took off into the night as well.

~~

Max felt something was wrong. He couldn't explain the feeling, but his gut told me Jay was in trouble. He wanted to get up, to run to Jay's house and make sure he was safe. He wanted to hold him and kiss him and tell him everything was okay; he would always be there for him. Yet something kept holding him back. He felt that his presence would only hurt Jay more. He had a fuzzy memory of something that happened in the car accident he had gotten into, but he couldn't exactly remember. He just knew it was best to stay away.

For two hours straight, Max was deliberating whether to go find Jay or not. He paced around his room, walked up and down the hallways of the building he lived in, until he decided he would go find Jay.

Once he drove up to Jay's house, he looked up to find the light in Jay's room off. His light was never before midnight. He circled to the front door and knocked on the door. Chloe answered with a worried expression.

"Max! Thank God you're here! Do you know why Jay hasn't come home yet?" she asked frantically.

Max's heart stopped beating momentarily. "He... never came home?"

"No, he's been gone for hours! I haven't heard a word from him."

"Oh my God. Okay, just sit tight. I promise I will find him. Don't worry." Chloe nodded.

"Please hurry, Max. He doesn't know anything about the city at night. Oh, God what if he's hurt?"

"I'll make sure he's not. I promise."

~~

Jay continued to sprint into the darkness, completely unaware of where he was going. He only followed the distant sound of footsteps in the distance. He followed them all the way to a cliff on the English shore. Jay looked down and found that there was about a 30 metre drop. The waves below were crashing against the cliff so hard no one could survive a drop like that.

"Isn't it beautiful?" someone asked from beside him. Jay jumped and almost lost his balance. A few pieces of rock dropped to the waves down below. Jay's heart was beating faster than the speed of light.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you", Tom said, gripping Jay's arm, making sure Jay didn't fall. Jay stepped away from the ledge.

"Why did you come here?" Jay asked.

Tom paused for a second, before he said, "I was about to jump. But then I heard you come." Tom let go of Jay and stepped away, as the voices were again telling him to push Jay off of the cliff.

"Tom, promise me you won't jump. Not now, not ever. I understand. I'm not angry about what happened outside my house."

"Jay, you may not be angry but that doesn't mean they won't stop telling me to hurt you. Jay", he said in a strained voice. "It's taking everything I have not to push you off this cliff and jump right behind you."

"Then get away from here! Come with me!" Jay shouted over the roaring of the wind. Tom looked down.

"I'm sorry Jay! For everything I've done! I just thought it'd be best if I hurt you to cover myself up! I never wanted to, but they kept telling me to and I couldn't resist!"

Jay stepped closer to Tom. Tom, in turn, took another step away.

"Don't come any closer! I don't wanna hurt you!" he yelled.

"I'm not scared of you, Tom!" Jay yelled back. He took another step towards him. It took everything Tom had not to step back. He knew the closer Jay got, the more he would want to hurt him.

Jay continued to step closer. Tom took a step closer. They kept at it until they were only a few inches apart.

"Tom, it's okay. I'm here for you", Jay said. Tom absentmindedly stroked his cheek. Jay didn't back away, but he felt nothing at his touch. It wasn't like when Nathan stroked his cheek; then Jay would feel dragons flying around his stomach. Butterflies were too small to describe the feeling Jay got when he was with Nathan.

He missed him. Had he overreacted a bit too much? Was Nathan telling the truth earlier? Was running away from him a mistake?

He didn't even notice Tom beginning to lean in. At that moment, Nathan came out of nowhere and rammed his body into Tom's. He knocked him to the ground, and soon, the two lads were wrestling each other at the very edge of the cliff.

"Nathan, no!" Jay shouted. "Nathan, stop! He's not going to hurt me!"

"Sure he wasn't!" Nathan yelled back as he pushed Tom's head down, with nothing but the air underneath it.

"You don't know anything!" Tom shouted at Nathan before rolling and pinning Nathan down.

"No! Tom, don't!" Jay shouted as he tried to pull him off of the love of his life. He wouldn't budge. Suddenly, Jay had the perfect distraction. He forcefully turned Tom's head towards him and crashed his lips onto his. Tom responded hungrily, kissing him until his lips were sore.

The voices came back. They told Tom to do it now; it was the perfect moment. Nathan was still struggling to get out of under him. No one else was around. Now was the moment.

Three. Two. One.

Written by @chasing_TW.