Just an illusion. | Jaythan AU | co-written with @chasing_TW

Chapter twenty two

Chapter twenty two.

"What?" Jay asked. It was taking all he had to keep it together, especially after what Tom did to him. Jay was too embarrassed to tell Nathan what happened. Nathan probably wouldn't love him anymore if he found out that Tom took away what made Jay special at this age. Jay could never get it back, though he would if he could. That's why he wouldn't tell Nathan, or Max, or anyone for that matter.

"I saw his body in the other room. He wasn't moving."

"But- but that doesn't mean he's dead, right? Are you just assuming?"

"Well, I didn't check for a pulse. I didn't come near him, to be honest."

"Then you can't assume, Nathan!" Jay ran out of the room with Nathan close behind him. Nathan led Jay into the dark room where he had seen Tom's body. Jay, as he had been here many times before when he and Tom were still mates, knew where the light switch was and fumbled for it in the dark. He nearly tripped over his own feet with how terrified and anxious he was. He still didn't want Tom dead, although he couldn't even think to imagine him the same way.

Jay tried his best not to walk stiffly or limp, as he didn't want Nathan noticing something was wrong. He instead ignored the throbbing pain he felt and made his way over to Tom's bedside. Being as squeamish as he is, he almost projectile vomited at the sight of the pool of blood on the floor and all over the bed and Tom. He picked up the knife and stared at it for a second before throwing it across the room at full force. Something broke, but he didn't bother to find out what.

"Tom?" he said weakly. There was no answer. Nathan was feeling for a pulse when Tom's body suddenly jerked. With the tension so high, Jay jumped a mile into the air. Nathan was completely unaffected. Nathan lightly slapped Tom's face. A low, pain-filled and wet groan came from Tom's sliced throat.

"He's not dead!" Jay shouted.

"Yet", Nathan replied. "We've not much time before he dies. He's almost bled out." Jay, trying to think instead of give into the crazy web of thoughts in his mind, ran into the bathroom and rummaged through the cabinets and shelves looking for a first aid kit of some sort.

"Nathan, call the ambulance!" he shouted to the other room. Nathan shouted back that he was already on it. Jay continued rummaging until he found a cabinet which was completely full of pills. There were about ten to twelve bottles that all had the same name: Thomas Parker. A first aid kit was in the corner, and quickly he grabbed it and tossed it to Nathan. Nathan began working immediately as Jay returned to the bathroom. He recognised three of the meds: two for schizophrenia and one for dementia. He recognised a few other names too- they were on the telly all the time. One for bipolar depression, another just for bipolar disorder, two antidepressants, one for insomnia, and one for migraines. How sick was this lad, who had to take twelve or so different meds just to appear normal? Suddenly Jay wasn't as angry with Tom anymore. Some kind of understanding was setting in. Had he been Tom, he would have ended his own life years ago.

Jay then realised that it was him, and the hope that someday Jay could feel the same way, that had been keeping Tom going. Once Jay told him he would never forgive him, Tom gave up. He gave up just as Jay almost did the night before, before Nathan saved his life.

Jay thought, Now it's time to save Tom's life, for better or for worse. Tom's giving up was his fault. It was all his fault for being so damn gullible and for not listening to Nathan. Nathan clearly knew better.

Why did Jay insist on thinking he knew it all? Right, because his mind tricked him into thinking so. At least he didn't get those God-awful voices in his head that told him to do bad things often. Tom lived with them everyday. Jay saw nothing but a struggling lad trying to cope with a life of illusions becoming reality in Tom, not the disgusting, crazy monster that had just raped him.

He returned to where Nathan and Tom were. Tom was awake and trying to fight Nathan off as Nathan kept the blood from continuing to flow out of Tom's body. Tom shook his head frantically and thrashed around. He wanted to die- he didn't want Nathan to save him. He had finally been free for a while there. He didn't want to return to an existence where there was no hope.

That is, until he saw Jay walk in. He instantly calmed down a bit, and his desire to die abated just a bit. Not entirely, as he knew Jay would forever hate him for what he did.

"Tom, it's okay. Calm down. We're going to save you. The ambulance is on its way, and this nightmare will be over." Tom shook his head no again, this nightmare would never be over as long as he lived.

"Yes it will be. Just trust me, yeah?" A few tears slipped out of Tom's eyes. He didn't deserve this lad's kindness, his sweetness, and his mercy. He wished Jay would stick a dagger in his heart himself and watch as he slowly bled his evil heart out. But he knew Jay would never. Jay was too amazing to do that. Jay was all about seeing the good in other people. Tom didn't deserve that, but he got it anyway.

At least he had to be thankful that Jay seemed to have hope in Tom still.

Nathan observed as Jay silently and softly stroked Tom's hair and held his hand, as if it was all Tom had left to hang onto. Maybe it was. He wouldn't know. Nathan tried to put aside the burning jealousy inside and look at only the facts, but he couldn't forget everything Tom had done. It was partly his fault Jay went mad. Jay still doesn't know what he's doing or what he's talking about these past few days. Nathan could and would not forget, even if Jay did.

The ambulance came and took Tom, and all that was left was Nathan, Jay, and an empty room full of silence and Jay's old mate's demons.

Written by @chasing_TW.