Just an illusion. | Jaythan AU | co-written with @chasing_TW

Chapter forty

Nathan paced back and forth in Heaven, bored out of his mind and unsure of what to do. He didn't have enough energy to fight the pull that kept him there again and see Jay, but seeing Jay was all he wanted. He felt so lonely and lost without him. He didn't know how much longer he could go without seeing Jay every day, cuddling him every night, breathing in his soft scent of soap and pyjamas. He smelled very familiar to Nathan, as if in sometime in his life before he died and became a guardian angel he'd been highly acquainted with those smells.

Tom, on the other hand, couldn't stop thinking, planning, searching for an answer he knew deep down wasn't there. He almost tore his hair out trying to think. He couldn't risk Jay sinking back into his depression from just a day or two ago. After all, he did love him insanely. Tom couldn't handle seeing Jay get that way again. In his gut, he felt something was wrong, but he dared not to stop and question that feeling. He didn't have the time to, and there were more important things to worry about than a gut feeling that probably meant nothing anyway.

Max had decided to take Jay out again. He thought Jay needed to keep his mind off of things. Jay had told him about what a great time he'd had with Nathan when he took him indoor ice skating, so Max decided to do that. Might as well create some new memories there, instead of just Jay and Nathan being there. That way, every time Jay thought about that place, Nathan being gone wouldn't be the first thing he thought about.

"Hey, Jay", Max said as he and Jay walked around the property for a bit. "Do you want to go ice skating again? I know summer's about to begin, but I know how much you love it and what a great time you had there the last time you went."

Jay's face lit up instantly. "Oh would you Max? That'd be amazing! Just like the time I went with... Nathan..." Jay's voice dropped considerably as he thought about his missing guardian angel. A deep hole in his heart began to throb.

"Hey, none of that", Max said as he lifted Jay's chin up to look him in the eye. I'm taking you out so you can have fun, not for you to get depressed, yeah?"

"Well, okay... I'll try, I promise", Jay said whilst trying to come up with a semblance of a smile.

"Good, that's my Jaybird", Max replied with a bright smile. Jay couldn't help but smile back at the older lad. He might not be Nathan, but he was a bloody hell of a good start. Although no one could compare to Nathan. Nathan was Jay's first and most likely only love.

Later on, Max took Jay to the indoor ice skating rink and rented the skates. Once they stepped out on the ice, Jay seemed to change completely. Instead of being the usual clumsy lad he was, Jay took on this graceful and elegant way of moving. His legs moved like that of a dancer, and his smile was so bright it nearly made Max teary. At one moment, Jay leaped into the air, twirling gracefully and landing just as neatly on the ice again. Max skated alongside him, but didn't dare to try to do what Jay was doing. He could never do things like that.

Jay laughed out loud as he twirled on the ice and skated backwards whilst sticking his tongue out at Max. Max laughed and did the same. The two lads looked like the best of friends, with absolutely nothing wrong at the surface. They chased each other around the rink, until Max finally caught up and leaped on top of Jay. Both lads collapsed onto the ice in a tangle of limbs and laughter. Max fell with his chest on top of Jay's, and the two stared into each other's eyes. Max wanted so desperately to lean in and meet Jay's lips with his own. He wanted to do so many things to Jay right then, he didn't realise his little buddy was betraying what he felt.

"Um... Max? Are you alright down there?" Jay asked, a mischievous look taking over his face as he gestured towards Max's member.

"What do you... OH!" Max slid off of Jay, his face burning with embarrassment. Jay erupted into a fit of giggles and downright laughter.