DAWG

Mama's Maybe, Daddy's Baby

Why don't I have a mommy like the other kids?

Who's that lady, is she going to be my new mommy?

Those are the questions that often resonate within when realization sets in that you're a motherless child. Five — that's how old I was when I recognized that my father's house was a revolving door.

I heard.

I learned.

I observed.

My curiosity festered and grew until I could no longer withstand the invisible glue holding my mouth shut. "There's some things you just don't need to worry about,"He'd say. The longer I tried to act unbothered, the more the unanswered questions bound me.

I carried around that invisible weight until I was about fourteen. By then, girls were heavy on my mind. That's also when my father and I started to build a real relationship. We'd found our common ground. He finally began to open up to me, because he figured I could handle hearing about certain things.

I remember the day...

I remember the day he sat me down, stared into my eyes as if he were trying to commit my innocence to memory. "Your mother took everything, and left me with you. You were two months old,"He murmured, abruptly shifting his gaze as if he were ashamed.

I sat motionless and without feeling.

Emotionless — I wasn't, but I know my face reflected that.

Didn't she want me, I thought. So... I said it, a question I believed left me. It resurfaced like rapid fire, melting away the mental locks that secured away any feelings of being half-way unloved.

He didn't even have to physically say it.

His eyes — they said it.

NO.

"It was the winter of 1991. I can't remember the exact day, because I blocked it out. But I came home from grad school, in a hurry to get back to you and your mother. I heard you screaming when I walked in and I called for your mom to tell her I was back. I didn't get an answer so I went into our bedroom and there you were, laying on the bed in your little blue blanket, a note right beside you. All it said was... I can't do this. I rushed around that apartment with you in my arms looking for her! Deep down, I knew! I knew she was already gone. Then I remember looking down into your little face and all I could do was hold you close. Because you... You were all I had, we were all we had."

It was that moment that made me a product of the only parent I've ever known.

Honestly, I felt bad about it for awhile. I was angry and hurt and I didn't know how to take hearing that at such a young age.

Now it's something that I no longer dwell on.

She was long gone way before I could even remember. I told myself, why get upset over someone that you've never known? I don't even know what she looks like, because there were never any traces of her existence. Every piece of her, my father did away with.

I could continue to drag that part of my life on, but I won't.

After that, my dad schooled me on the art of women anatomy — if you know what I mean. You gotta use what you've got in order to get what you want, right? Exactly. I don't want to chance ending up alone and in love. I don't have the time for that shit, Mr. Sanchez ain't got that to do!

I guess it's about that time now though, but don't worry I'll be back to share some more. I'll speak when I feel it's necessary, believe that.

Yours Truly,
Zayne

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Here we are again! Next we'll meet a few new characters 😉! And things are gonna really start heating up and getting more interesting. This was kinda meant to give you a little more insight on Zayne tho.

Anyway, what do you think about him? Do you like that he's almost interacting with you guys as the readers, like he's talking to you?

- Nikki 💙