Jiley Oneshots

Self harm and guilt

Not proof read, and probably not good, but I wanted to update for Christmas. Merry Christmas guys! Xoxo

Riley's POV

"I'm Alfie." He said to me and James. We were at the Internationals party, talking to everyone who was gonna audition for Regionals tomorrow. "By the way, your duet at Internationals was absolutely amazing! I don't think I could ever choreograph something that awesome, let alone have that much chemistry with someone." He told us. I smiled, looking over at James, before back at Alfie. He was sweet.
"Thanks." James answered, and the boys continue to make small talk. The way he had complimented our duet, was honestly so sweet. I've never meet a guy so nice. And he's hot. His hair pushed back, his deep brown eyes that were so easy to get lost in, his charming smile. All the muscle. He's pretty much flawles- Stop it Riley! I internally sighed, looking up at James.
"I'm gonna use the bathroom, I'll be back." I smiled at him. He nodded, and I walked out of studio A. Once in the bathroom, I leaned against the stall. "You've already cheated on James once, and now you're in this mess, why are you thinking about doing it again?!" I mumbled to myself. "You're being stupid Riley." I sighed, reaching into my purse, pulling out the pocket knife I pretty much always have with me now. I rolled up the sleeve of my cardigan, which I only wore to hide the scars. The blade was dragged across my wrist a few times, before I flicked it shut, shoving the knife back in my purse. I grabbed toilet paper, dabbing the blood away, before rolling my sleeve back down again, leaving the washroom. I reentered the studio, spotting the boys, still having a conversation, and made my way over it them. They smiled at me, James wrapping his arm around my waist, holding me close.
"Baby I'm gonna go talk to the guys, k?" He told me, and I nodded, as he walked over to his friends. I sighed once again. He was James's friend. I left Alfie, finding Michelle and Stephanie talking.
"I'm still so excited for you!" Michelle squealed, smiling at Stephanie. They were probably talking about Steph moving to LA.
"Hey." I said, and they looked at me, smiling.
"Hey Ri, so you were talking to that Alfie guy earlier, do you know if he's single?" Michelle asked me, and Steph hit her arm, laughing.
"Mitchie, do you care more about your relationship status than me?" She joked.
"Sorry. I don't know." I stated, answering Michelle's question.
"That's too bad. I hope he is though." She replied, staring at him.
"Earth to Michelle." Stephanie said, snapping her fingers in front of Michelle's face. "Come down from boy land and back to earth." I laughed, Michelle finally snapping out of it.
"I'm gonna go talk to him." She announced, standing up and walking away. Stephanie laughed, watching her go.
"The amount of guys she's into. I wonder how many one night stands she had." She chuckled. I bit my lip, looking away. I bet she's never had a one night stand while in a relationship. Why am I the worst person ever?

James's POV

"Oh, Michelle." I said, having spotted her walk across the room, and was now standing in front of her. "I need to talk to you about something." I told her.
"What's up?" She asked, looking up at my tall stature.
"Is Riley alright? She's been distant lately." I explained. Michelle thought for a second.
"Yeah, I guess she has been. I don't know though, sorry." She responded.
"Okay." I sighed, letting Michelle walk away.

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James's POV

Riley entered my room, wearing leggings and a sweater of mine. We were at my house, the party now over, hanging out. "I don't think I'll be staying over tonight James." She said quietly, looking at the ground. I looked at her worriedly.
"What's wrong Riley? You've been so distant lately, are you trying to avoid me?" I asked. She shook her head, her eyes still set on the floor. "You know you can tell me anything baby." I told her.
"I can't tell you this." She responded, whispering. I walked over to her, using my finger to lift her chin, causing her to look at me. Tears were pooling in her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks.
"Baby please." I begged her, unhappy to see her so sad. I moved my hand, grabbing her wrist to pull her into a hug, but she flinched, pulling her hand away, pain on her face. She held her arm to her chest, looking at the ground. "Riles? What's going on?" I questioned softly, needing an answer.
"It's nothing. I'm fine." She lied to me. I grabbed her hand this time, gently pulling it away from her chest. I rolled up the sleeve, my eyes focusing on multiple scars across her arm. Some seems to be a few weeks old, others only a few days, and there were around 4 cuts that obviously had been made today. I looked up at her, concern filling me. She was looking at the ground again, unable to make eye contact.
"Riley. What is going on? You're not fine, you're harming yourself. Is this what you did when you went to the bathroom at the party? Cut yourself?" I inquired, needing to know the truth. I kept a soft tone to my voice though, I didn't want to be harsh with her.
"James, you don't understand." She sighed, pulling away from me and turning so her back was to me.
"I know I don't, because you won't tell me. You need to Ri, this is serious." I explained to her simply.
"Maybe we should break up." Her words crushed my heart.
"You don't mean that." I told her. She shook her head.
"I don't, but maybe it's what's best." She answered.
"Riley, we're not breaking up. I won't allow you to throw away a perfect relationship. You just need to tell me what the problem is. I promise, I won't get mad at you, no matter what you say." I reasoned.
"You can't make a promise you won't keep." She responded.
"Riley..." I trailed off. Why couldn't she tell me this? Did she think I'd be angry with her? Whatever it is, we can work through it. I sighed. "You once told me you could tell me anything." I said, trying to prove a point.
"Times change." She replied. I was hurt she didn't feel she could trust me anymore.
"Riley, you should be able to trust me! We've been together for almost 4 years! Did the trust in this relationship suddenly disappear?!" I found myself yelling at her.
"It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't want to hurt you!" She shouted back, turning to face me again. I fell silent, staring at her. "Did you ever consider that maybe I care about you too much to say it?! That I can't watch myself break you!" She yelled, tears rolling down her face. I stepped towards her, about to wrap my arms around her. "DON'T!" She shouted, stepping out of my arms. "Don't guilt me into telling you when I don't want to!" She stated sternly. She turned, walking out of my room, never turning back.