A Single Moment Of Sincerity [SOMEONE SOMEWHERE SEQUEL]

So here's one from the heart.

The door opened, spilling light across the dampish floor I resided on. 'Hey, it's me... Ben.' the voice said as the door clicked shut again and dropped us back into the almost complete darkness, faltered only by the distant balls of burning gas hanging high up in the cool night air.

Tonight was the night I was meant to be happy, and yet I was sat in the field with a cigarette, drunk out my head and longing for the feeling of pain. I guessed if I couldn't do it physically I'd get it another way. With a weary smile I encouraged Ben to sit next to me.

“So, what's up? I know you struggle some nights but you're really off today.” he sighed, even though he was drunk,

“Me? I guess I just fucked up so badly, you know. And well it's all just hit me.” I gave no emotion at all, instead I just continued to stare into space.

“Hey, it's okay, Darling, you know it is. What ever has happened, I am sure they'll forgive you and things will be okay.” He sunk to the floor next to me, wrapping his arm loosely around my shoulders. That's the thing though, I just don't know if they will forgive me, if things will get better...ever. Water started to blur my vision even further as I leaned my head onto him and silently sobbed.

“Ben, I just... Oh god I am so useless.” I cried, unable to keep my self-hatred inside any longer.

“Shush, don't you ever say that okay, because if you were useless you wouldn't have all these friends, you wouldn't be here, and I wouldn't have proposed to you. My dear, you are far from useless.” He pulled my tighter against his chest and just held me there.

His warmth, presence and scent gave me all those tiny butterflies I hadn't felt in a long time. The enjoyable silence spread on for too long though and eventually there was so much pressure in breaking it... so I did.

“Hey, how's your lip?” I asked, remembering the blood from yesterday.

“Fucking sore.” He yelled. “But it's okay I love James really, of course nothing like how I love you... but even that doesn't compare to how I love Danny either, I mean Danny's my fucking life.” he said with a smile, a nervous one, but a smile all the same. I did find it cute thought that they played Brusnop even when people weren't watching.

“Good, because it looked horrible last night.”

“Yeah... Last night wasn't all that good for me, to be fair.” He whined slightly, but I knew what he was getting at, and my god it seemed like more than 24 hours ago that all happened.

I took his head in my fingers and turned him so he was facing me, so close. Silently, and slowly, I ran my fingers over his cheek bone before moving them to his lips, and gliding over the broken skin.

“God, it really is pretty bad.” I spoke quietly, letting my hands drop and failing to notice his look of disappointment.

“Yeah, well that's what happened when you chose to go out with dicks.” He laughed pushing me.

“I went out with you, remember.” I snapped back.

“Yeah... I remember, all too well.” he turned away from me a little, and I knew that I had said the wrong thing... I just keep hurting him.

We sat there for a few minutes when my phone went off again... Oli.

'Hey, urm I think I need to apologise about tonight... I was way off base, and it's not something I do. You know that, just I am so so so sorry.- Oli x' Well after an hour it seems he has sobered huh... This will be interesting.

'It's okay it was the alcohol anyway and besides I could have stopped it but I didn't so don't-' I smiled awkwardly over the screen and deleted the message, screw it, I'd reply in the morning if it was that important. Plus I really didn't want Ben to start asking questions.