Chapter 18 | Cole

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I sank into my bed as I thought about tonight. I had my very first date... And it was with a boy.

It was amazing. I hadn't had that much fun in years. Not even the parties levelled up to tonight.

Myles is so cute, and makes me feel so much more worth than what I really am. I feel so alive when I'm around him.

In one of the shops I remembered when he asked me what I thought of a t-shirt he had picked out. He never really started a conversation so casually. It's usually just me starting the conversation and he might reply back.

He also wanted my opinion. He looked up at me with his big blue eyes; innocent and nervous. I just wanted to pull him into the nearest change room and kiss him. He probably wouldn't have appreciated that, though.

I fell a sleep with a stupid grin on my face, thinking about our date.

-

I woke up feeling different. Standing up, I noticed that I was feeling weightless, excited even.

Not the heavy dull feeling that I'd felt when waking up the last couple of years.

When I got to school my eyes where on the lookout. I wanted to have a glance of Myles. I also didn't want to be seen searching so desperately for something- someone.

I kept my cool and made my way over to guys.

They were pumped about the game tonight.
My friends we also talking to a guy in my team that I didn't usually hang out with. Xavier, was his name.

Being on the team made everyone all buddy-buddy. Except me. I had my group of friends and that's was it.

Xavier, was speaking like a whacko and stopped to wave enthusiastically and greet me, trying to seek my attention.

I muttered a "hey" in response.

He wasn't that bad a guy, I didn't mind him. He's just way too out going for me.

He was also desperate to hang out with me. I was the popular bad boy jock. Some reason, because of that, girls flung themselves at me and the guys were either jealous of me or admired me.

Xavier, was one that admired me.

I didn't mind if people hated me or liked me.

But if you liked me, that's better. Because that makes my life a hell of a lot easier.

"...Cole,"

"Cole!"

I snapped my head around so fast it cracked.

"Shit," I cursed and rubbed the back of my neck. I looked around and saw all the guys staring at me.

"Dude, where's your head been lately? What's going on with you?" Kade asked.

"Nothing," I spat and narrowed my eyes.

"Chill, he was just asking. All of us have noticed you've been out of sorts lately," Kyle said to his brother's defense.

"Well, nothing is wrong, guys."

"Alright." Ant said.

Dylan shook his head at me, unconvinced.

Xavier looked like he had no idea what the fuck was going on. I almost wanted to laugh at him.

-

"You know, dude..." Dylan started, "Even though we don't do all the sentimental shit; you can tell me anything right."

It was just me and Dylan, we were currently hanging out at his place.

"What's this about, Dylan?" I really didn't want to talk about anything personal.

"Well, you've been acting strange lately. You seem happier, but some days you seem sadder, angrier. You know what I mean?" He said.

I tensed up, sensing where this was going but I let out a laugh. "I never know what you mean."

"I'm actually serious, Cole. You're up and down with your moods and you don't hang out with me and the guys as much."

"I've just a lot of crap going on," I say.

"What kind of crap is going on," He persists.

"Personal stuff." I sigh, getting slightly irritated.

"Come on, man, we've been best friends since we were little. You always open up to me. I know you can open up to Mycah as well, but I just don't think he's noticed a difference in you. To be honest I'm kinda worried. Why won't you tell me what's goi-"

"Dylan... Just drop it, okay,"

"Please."

Gosh, is he really that worried?

"I'm confused... Sexually," I admit.

"What do you mean? Is there some girl you can't have?" He asks.

He usually got every detail out of me in situations like this. But he wasn't going this time. I'm not ready to open up.

"A boy," I say.

"Huh?" Dylan's mutters.

"I want to experiment... With boys. No, not just any guy- just one." Is all I can say.

I turn to face him. "I'm not gonna say anymore to you about the matter. But if you dare tell anyone-"

"I won't," He raises his hands, "I can tell this is really bugging you. Whatever you decide, I'll be with you.
But is it me?"

My eyes widened. "Fuck, no!"

He laughed. "Okay, okay, that's good."

And we left it like that.

Opening up was supposed to feel good, right? I didn't feel good.

Even though that was only half the story, I regretted saying anything.

God, only knows how much I need to get off my chest from the past few years.

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This chapter came a bit later than usual, sorry about that. Thank you, thank you, thank you for 2k reads and over 100 votes. I'm so happy.

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