Mute

28- Admitting Mistakes

I tried to ignore the feeling of guilt in my stomach. I made cookies, I blasted music, I played the guitar, well tried too. Nothing was helping. I had let Clara down and disappointed Tyler and Josh. I would have never imagined being in this mess. 

9:30 pm, not even Doctor Who seems appealing. I want to explain everything to Josh but I don't want to make things worse. 

My thoughts are temporarily distracted by the light buzzing of my phone. I thought I turned that thing off. 

At first, I ignore it, it's probably just my parents. Nothing too important. My eyes return to my laptop screen. The sound of 'Carry on Wayward Son' plays through quietly. I swear I just started a season of Supernatural yesterday. I loose track of episodes easily.

I stop the episode and get up to make myself dinner. I'm not even hungry but I don't want to get my body into any bad habits. I lazily but some pasta into the microwave and pick up my phone. I  go to clear my notifications but I see a text that catches my eye from an unknown number.

'Sorry I couldn't get back to you earlier, Josh was being a handful' They message. I assume it's Tyler. I don't know any other Josh. It couldn't be a random stranger, that's just too much of a coincidence. 

'It's fine, I know you're busy' I replied simply. I don't really know how this conversation is going to go down, but I have a feeling I'm going to find out soon. 

'Not too busy to help out my friends' Tyler responds almost instantly. I really did mess up things with his friends. Josh, Brendon and even Clara. I wish I could turn back time and fix my mistakes. No reference intended there.

'So go on, start from the beginning' He messages not even giving me time to respond to his first message. I don't know where to start, where did all of this first start? When I asked Brendon to help me learn music and help me speak again? Not long after Tyler and Josh arrived and I started spending less time with her? I could have invited her to a lot of things when I haven't, she probably likes the band more than I do and probably ever will. She deserves to be in my position. She wouldn't have made a mess like I have.

I explain to Tyler about basically ditching Clara for him and Josh. For some reason he was on my side for that, apparently, it's normal to want to spend time around members of a band you like. I still shouldn't want to be with them instead of Clara, we've known each other for too long for me to abandon her over a band.

'That's it? I'm sure she would understand if you explained it to her' Tyler types. I thought I could leave it here. He's not going to believe me if we don't make up over a thing like that. But I don't want Josh to find out about the talking thing. I don't have proper reasons for that yet, it just doesn't feel right.

'I got guitar lessons from Brendon for a while, I asked him to help me speak again and didn't think of asking Clara or even mentioning it to her until Brendon let it slip' I send. I still can't believe I went to Brendon, a guy I had known for not even a week over Clara, a best friend of 2 years. Yes, he's a musician and knows about voice warm ups and techniques, but I didn't even second guess myself.

Tyler doesn't reply straight away, my concern growing greatly. 'Please don't mention that to Josh, I wanted to surprise him with it and I don't even know if it will happen anymore' I plead through my phone. 

'It might be a bit too late for that' Is all I get for a reply