jungkook imagines/oneshots

why did you let me fall in love with you?

warnings: none
word count: 1.1k

"i don't know how you can't see it." you look down and watch your hand lightly shake the almost-empty coffee cup. "i don't understand."

"y/n, what are you talking about?" his voice is soft, mellow and full of concern. there are many things you don't understand as of now. and, jeon jungkook, your best friend looking jaw-breakingly beautiful at 1am so effortlessly is definitely one of them even though it shouldn't be.

"who knows you better than i do? we know each other inside out and we talk about every subject there is to talk about from the moment the sun rises until the sun sets. i push you to do better, and you push me to do better. but you .. you still can't see it." you are not a coffee drinker, but you have lost so much sleep just thinking of him. "i can't look at another person, let alone be with another person .. but you. i don't understand how you can be with her. i don't understand how you can love someone else, how you can love someone like her when i have been here for so long? when i am what is best for you? you know that i am. i don't know what is going through your mind. have you ever stopped and thought for a moment that maybe, just maybe all of your relationships have never worked out because you're supposed to be with me? because it's only ever going to work out with me? do you ever think about that? do you ever think about the possibility of there being an us? do you ever think .. about us?"

"y/n. it's one in the morning. are you okay?" jungkook's deep voice resonates in your body as your tears sting your eyes. "you know i love her. you know very well that i love nayeon."

"why did you do that to me, jungkook?" you close your eyes for a second to let the thick layer of tears that glossed your eyes to roll down. "why did you let me fall in love with you?"

your heart in your chest pounds so loudly in your ears you are afraid that if he takes a step closer to you he will be able to hear it. "we are just friends."

"no. no, we have never been "just friends". because if we were, then why did you look at me like that? you looked at me as if i was your moon and stars. why did you hold me like that? you held me so tightly, as if you loved me. if we were just friends, then why does your hand fit so perfectly in mine and why does your laugh make my mood ten times better than it is? if we were just friends, why did you kiss me that cold winter night after you dropped me off? why did you let me fall in love with you?"

he stands there speechless, swallowing each word that tries to bubble up. he looks guilty, neck blushing and lips slightly tilted downwards. he is guilty. "it was never meant to be that way, y/n. these things you think and feel, i don't feel the same way. i just want to be friends with you, y/n."

"no. no i will not be friends with you, and you are going to have to understand that. no, i will not come over to your house and watch movies with you, eat pizza or help you with your work. no, i will not read you my stories anymore, neither will you sing to me the latest lyrics you've written. no, we will not share the things we love with each other anymore. i will not text you good morning and good night, ask if you are safe, if you ate or how your day was. i will not wait for your response anymore. it's simple. i can not be your friend because your smile makes my heart race, your touch gives me the chills and .. just seeing you, oh my gosh just seeing you makes me so damn happy."

"then stay with me." he takes a step closer, and you imagine yourself stepping backwards because you can't bring yourself to actually do so. "why do you want to get rid of someone who makes you so happy?"

"because i can't look at you without falling more in love with you. because every time i see you, i become more and more in love with the idea of us. i become more attached to the thought of you and me, being more than just friends. it's so painful, to watch someone you are in love with be in love with somebody else. so even though you make me happy, you make me more sad and i don't want that. so no, i will not be your friend." you turn on your heel and take a deep breath. you'll miss him, but it's better than the pain of watching him be with someone else.

before you can take a step down off of his porch, he wraps his arms securely around you from behind and rests his chin onto your right shoulder. "please don't leave me." he whispers into your ear, voice slightly broken. "please don't make me choose."

"i'm not making you choose. i didn't ask you to choose."

"i don't want you to go." he says with a softer voice, laced with pure sadness. "i don't want you to leave me."

"i don't want to leave you either. but i am not going to watch you behind a glass barrier. i am not going to stick around and let my heart get beaten up over and over again by you, i am not going to let you do that to me. it's clear to me that you don't have feelings for me, so there's no point in trying. and you love her. you love her so much you have nothing left to love me with. so i'm leaving. i'm letting you go because i'm tired of this." his hands are holding you sweetly, but you feel like they are crushing you apart. "i love you. i just wanted to say it before i regret ever doing so."

"you are the best thing that has ever happened to me." jungkook holds you tighter, making you feel like he is crushing you even more. breaking the ribs that try to hold and protect your heart so desperately. "if you leave me, i don't know how i can survive."

"can you give me a reason to stay? tell me why i should. i really want to, i really do. but i wonder if you can even give me one good reason to stay with you after you have broken my heart. can you give me one good reason why i should stay with you?" 

an: i don't know how to end this but i want a happy ending so this is probably part one. sorry i keep doing these part things and then i take ages, (or well now, i haven't even published any) to publish the second part of it. ahhh, i'm very sorry. i hope you enjoyed this piece!!! i will definitely write another part to it to make sure it ends well since i absolutely loathe sad endings but i dont know how this will work ://// !!!

sorry for the inactiveness by the way! i have no motivation :(