My Rockstar || (n.j.)

Chapter 29

I had another night terror. One of the worst I've ever had, and I couldn't believe that I was still having them. Ever since I was 17 years old, and now I'm 33 going on 34. I've tried seeing someone about them, but it never helped. Of all the times I could've had one, it had to be on vacation.

All I could was sit up in the bed and try to stop myself from shaking. Tears were rapidly going down my face and all I could do was find his arm or hand in the darkness and hold onto it for dear life. This time, I actually felt physical pain with the nightmare. And it hurt like hell. I found Nick's hand and wrapped mine around it, but he only clutched it and just went into a deeper sleep. I just held onto his hand, and I desperately tried to calm down. It took all I had to just take one deep breath, but it almost felt impossible.

He was completely oblivious to this, but that was okay. All I needed was to know that he was here. I seemed to have sat there, wide awake, for almost an hour before I finally began to calm down. I laid back down carefully and took breaths, closing my eyes and falling asleep for at least another three hours.

Nick woke me up by kissing my back over and over against. I groaned as I opened my eyes, the bright sunlight shining in the room. He must've opened the black out shades.

"Morning gorgeous." He said to me, his voice still raspy like it is whenever he wakes up. I sighed. I was definitely not ready to get up.

"What time is it?" I asked, my throat almost scratchy. Probably from all of my crying.

"Nine in the morning. It feels so good to sleep in." I rolled over on my back and he straddled my lap, sitting over me. My eyes were groggy, so as I looked up at him, it was almost like I couldn't see straight.

"Yeah. Must be nice." I half-joked, yawning. He cocked his head to the side.

"Why do you say that?"

"Nothing...I was just up really early this morning. Couldn't wait to get the day started with my amazing husband." I smiled, hoping that he'd buy it. But I knew that he wouldn't buy it. I tried smiling the sweetest smile I could muster, but he frowned.

"That isn't why. Tell me." God, why was he so good at reading me? I gave in.

"Night terrors. That's it, I swear." He got off me and laid next to me on his side. He sighed and looked into my eyes with what looked like pity.

"What happened?"

"It just hurt...everywhere. And I couldn't get it to stop, no matter how hard I tried." I almost started crying again. I blinked back tears.

"Katy you can get help for them."

"I don't want it. It doesn't work, trust me I've tried it all. She hurt me so bad. And I really wish we didn't have to talk about this on our vacation, and I'm sorry I'm such a burden when it comes to this and-"

"Wait, you didn't just say that did you?" His face went from soft to mad in point five seconds.

"Can you just hold me? Please? That's all I want." I slid over into his arms and cried onto his shoulder, my nails just about digging into him like I couldn't hold onto him enough.

"It's okay. You're good, we're good. There's nothing to be sorry for." He said into my ear and that got me crying. I didn't know if they were happy or sad tears though. My body heaved with every sob, and I felt so bad for this.

"Don't hate me. Please." I choked out, closing my eyes.

"Baby, I could never hate you. No matter what you did or said to me, that would never happen in a million years. Take all the time you need." He rubbed my back.

"I am such a fucking cry baby." I wiped at my eyes, pulling myself from his arms. I looked up to the ceiling, trying not to cry anymore. Now I was hating myself for this, and this is how it usually goes. He knows that, and there so many times I really wish he didn't have to. That he didn't have to be sucked into all of my crazy, stupid emotions. He doesn't deserve it, but in my heart I truly know that he will be there with me through any and everything.

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