Okay... Okay.. You can do this! She though as she wandered around backstage and on stage. Okay, Anna where are you? She was starting to panic, her hand shaking slightly.
She ran to her backpack, pulling out her phone checking the time. Almost open house. Shoot. She ran through the music room before Anna stepped out of a closet. I just have to find Erica now...
After a few more minutes of running around Erica poped out comforting a crying Anna. She decided to let Erica handle this... She might not be the best person for this. She hung around the back before Anna walked away and Erica came up to her, talking about Anna's stage fright.
Well yeah, I have it too, she thought, giving a long sigh. Everyone kept following Anna around, trying to make her feel better. All she could hear, however, was the growing noise of people outside the door. She couldn't stop shaking, her mind going into a full panic. She couldn't control her breath and it started to accelerate.
She slumped into a corner, fumbling to get her headphone out and on to drown out all the noise. It was hard to do when her hands were barely steady enough to turn the switch on but she did it. She fumbled around for her phone, turning on music. She had made a few posts about her current situation, but not a lot of support came from them. She was on her own now.
Her brain started to make her question any prep she did for the show, things she did two hours ago. Her breathing quickened and her chest felt heave. This was too much. She couldn't take it.
Soon Erica noticed her distressed state, in a ball in a corner, and came over to help.
"You can do this, Ainsley." She said. "No one'll care if you mess up. It's a kids show. It doesn't matter."
Erica's words made her smile a bit, but her friends comforting words were drowned out by the thoughts in her head.
After a bit Erica left her alone. A few people came and checked up on her, but she just said she "was fine". Such simple words to hide behind.
She just wanted to cry, searching desperately through her music to find something that would calm her down. She focused on flowering her breathing, to try and get the weight off her chest. It didn't really work but was worth the effort. It was all just clouding her logical vision. Everything was just so bad....
After a few minutes they had to start performing. Oh god... Here we go...
I kinda tried to describe how I felt before performing today. It didn't really work. This is kinda how it went:
1) I couldn't stop shaking
2) My breathing was really fast
3) I was panicking about things that I knew I did.
4) I was becoming super negative about myself and not thinking straight.
5) There was this giant weight in my chest.
Is that a panic attack? I'm not sure, I've never had one even though I suffer from extreme anxiaty.
