Shanes P.O.V:
Today we’re going back to London. I quickly grab all my things and place them by the door ready “so what time do we get the train?” I ask Laurence. He stares at me blankly “you remembered the tickets right?!” Laurence stares at me realisation forming on his face “this isn’t funny Laurence!” I shout near tears “hey, hey what’s going on?” Kier asks coming to mediate “Laurence is joking about forgetting the train tickets” I stammer. Him and Kier share a look, I know what that look means. No, no, no. “we can erm – we’ll get you tickets today!” Laurence immediately unlocks his phone and his face falls “what?” I tremble “I don’t know my card details and I left it at home” “WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT?!” I suddenly shout. Even I’m taken aback by my outburst “to try and save money I figured if we only had cash we wouldn’t spend much money...” tears begin to prick at my eyes.
“I’m sure we can ask Crilly” Kier whispers “no, we can’t” I cry before running out the front door and in whatever direction my feet take me. What only feels like a couple of turns later and I truly have no idea where I am. I rub at my eyes uselessly and collapse against a wall. This is going great. When did I become so high maintenance? I’ve always tried to blend in, to avoid asking for things or causing trouble and now I’m doing the latter far too often. I continue to dwell in self pity until a horn pulls me out of my thoughts. I jump out of my skin terrified. “oh God you’re okay!” Drew cries leaping out of the van, which is pulled up in the middle of the road I note, and runs over throwing himself at me.
I hear the clutch and the van pulls up a few feet away. Even being that close to it makes me uncomfortable. I’m a mess. No one else gets out, leaving me and Drew to sort it out on our own I guess. I remain in the same position Drew trying his best to hug me and I fail to show any sign of emotion. “Shane?” I don’t answer “Shane?” “please?” Drews voice breaks and I can’t help but make eye contact “Crilly said he’d buy us tickets until we can pay him back later” Drew murmurs his breath on my neck. It feels nice, warm, calming. I shake my head fervently. Drew pulls back and looks at me concern blatant in his eyes “I’ll go in the car” I whisper. His eyes widen “a-are you sure?” my head screams no but for some reason my mouth says “yes” I can’t help but notice how relieved Drew looks, how proud. “can we walk back to Crillys though?” I whisper looking at his van warily “of course” Drew smiles giving me a quick squeeze before helping me up.
Drew knocks on the window and Crilly stops strumming his fingers on the dash and presses a button so it comes down “we’re walking back but Shanes getting the car back” Drew says trying to stay mutual, the excitement in his voice is still obvious. Crilly looks me up and down cautiously “okay see you in thirty” he nods before pulling away. Thirty? How long have I been gone “about an hour” Drew whispers. Oh. I said that aloud didn’t I?
***
By the time we’re half way up Crillys street I notice them loading stuff into the car and van. I see my guitar go into the back of the van and swallow, my throat dry. I try to fight the flash backs I really do but I can’t help it.
A smile. Load-in. The CD going into the CD player. Snoring. Drew snoring. Headlights. The CD jumping. The feeling of falling. Silence. Blood. My ears ringi-
“SHANE?!” the haze over my eyes disperses quickly and I’m no longer in the van I’m in the middle of the pavement surrounded by concerned friends. “I think he’s back” I hear someone sigh in relief. “Drew” I cry out my voice small, it’s loud enough for him to hear me. “I’m here” he soothes clutching my hand. His hands are cold. No – mine are clammy. “Here take this” and I feel a glass of water being placed into my other hand. I take a sip the last remnants of the flash back fading. I feel people dispersing and going back to whatever they were doing, right loading up. No, let’s not go back there.
