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everybody needs somebody // sad settlement

They say everybody needs somebody. He couldn't agree. He wanted to, though. In fact, he never needed anybody - he simply had somebody. Lying around, catching dust, in one of the many drawers he kept storing things in. Things and persons. He wondered, if a corpse would fit in a drawer. In fact, he wondered, to where the corpses he had caused had disappeared. Did he murder? Or did crime just rule his thoughts? Of course he thought about corpses in a metaphorical way. Emotional corpses. He considered himself pitch black on the outside. And on the inside. Now, he embraced darkness more than he probably should.

Unless her nothing else is worth mentioning. Anyone could have lived like this.
He met her in everyday life and they liked each other from the very first moment. She was mysterious: Not exactly shy, but she anticipated speaking. So did he. Instead of talking to the people they both would have called friends, they locked eyes a couple times, only to look away in a sudden hurry. She was blushing and he never noticed, because he turned away just as fast as she did.

At night he dreamt about her. Young and beautiful and once again young. He harassed on himself for his lack of courage. Also he didn't really need her. And he didn't want her, that awfully young woman. He didn't. So he told himself. And he told himself every night, while holding on a bit tighter to his blanket, that all these strange things he felt for her would vanish the next day.
He slowly became afraid of sleeping. So he stayed up late and kept being busy.
He remembered his parents, their so called love. The one relationship he never got figured out, because he wasn't ever in need of it. He still wasn't.

She, on the other hand, seemed mostly happy. They were similiar. He seemed too and he fought down any thought wasted on her. He never fought down the urge of staring at her. It kinda satisfied him that she still did the same. It was a game, a little play they sat up unwillingly. In a concious state of mind he forgot about her and he told himself that she forgot about him too. In an unconcious state of mind ...

Is there an option to control your feelings under the surface?