Shadowhunters Imagines & Preferences

Alec ~ Never Anyone Else

*Please listen to the song, I really think it matches how Alec would feel and sums up his 'i'm too tough to care' facade he had early on in the series*

Alec had been waiting outside of the room, leaning against the wall and listening using the advanced hearing rune as everyone spoke in hushed tones about their measly, meek lives.

Trying to be respectful by whispering, yet failing.

No one should talk about their own lives at the funeral of someone who'd lost theirs.

You had died during battle against Valentine and his shadowhunter soldiers. Valentine had lunged at Jace, who had swerved, causing the blade to sail towards Alec.

You'd cast yourself between them, and ended with a sword in your heart.

Alec had taken you from the scene, fleeing through a portal Dot had managed to cast with what little energy she had left...but they couldn't get you to the infirmary quick enough, and you had died in Alec's arms as he carried you into the institute.

Alec listened to the hushed whispers

"What are you doing this weekend?"

"Do you think she was in a lot of pain?"

"She was one of the best"

"Poor Alec"

"Yes, poor Alec"

"Alec" Jace whispered, coming over to him

"Jace" Alec nodded stoically, giving off no emotion

"Alec..." Jace sighed, "It's ok to be vulnerable, to be sad, to cry. You loved her and now..."

"Now we don't have to talk about it. Now we have to find Valentine. Now we have to get justice. And before all that, I have to give a speech"

"Alec, please..."

"Jace" Alec snaps, "Not. Now. Please"

"Ok" Jace agrees, squeezing his shoulder gently before entering the room

Alec breathes in a large sigh, squeezing his eyes shut to push the small stray tears away, bracing himself, before turning into the room *see gif*

Everyone turned and stared, and Alec sat at the back, staring straight ahead as your mother stood at the podium, weeping about your death as your father stood by her, a comforting arm around her shoulders.

Alec closed his eyes, not wanting to see the pain his stupidity had caused them. It was his fault. Of course, it was his fault.

Despite what people said, he hadn't been quick enough, smart enough, good enough to save you. You were 1000 times better than him, he knew it, and he never admitted it. 

And now you were gone because he hadn't been able to react quick enough.

When it was Alec's turn for a speech, all eyes were riveted to him as he walked towards the podium. His mother was there, crying microscopic tears not out of pain for the loss of your life, but for the future, the mass amount of honour you and your skills would have brought to the family.

Alec looked away from her, unable to not want to scream at her for selfishness that he could tell was showing over the surface. She wasn't that good an actor.

Clary, huddled into Izzy's side, crying. The three of you had been close...very close. You'd been the first one to accept Clary when everyone else was wary, and that had meant a lot to her. Izzy had seen you as a sister since day 1, when you'd come to the New York Institute from Idris when you were 11.

Jace, head down solemnly, had been like a brother to you. He took care of you, threatened Alec when he used to be mean to you as kids, and had cheered on your relationship from the beginning.

Alec turned to face the mourners, before unleashing his heart to the world

"This is out of character for me," he began, "but I feel like she's here, right now, and I want her to hear everything I say, because I believe we'll meet again"

"I was enwrapped by Y/N the first time I met her. She was so feisty, sarcastic and witty but at the same time so kind, loving and  sensitive. She was the perfect balance of me and everything I wanted to be, and she balanced me as well. I feel so off kilter without her, off balance, and I really don't think there's ever going to be another person like her...ever. Clary, she loved you. You radiated everything she loved...kindness, happiness, bravery and though I wasn't the kindest to you, I swear to you I will try harder to be kinder. Because I know that's what she would've wanted. Mr and Mrs Y/L/N, you already know she loved you but I don't think you ever knew how much, how she'd stay up late, gushing about family trips and how much she admired you. I've never seen anyone love anybody as much as she did the two of you...not even the way she loved me. Jace, Izzy...you were her family, her siblings that she never had for the first 10 years of her life, she'd always talk to me about how much she loved you both, how she hoped you'd find happiness and I hope the same. As for me... I know she loved me and it hurts so badly that's she's gone that I can't imagine being able to move on."

"I remember...she told me as we went through the portal...her last words to me were "Promise me that you will live past my death. That you'll move on, love as much as I love you." but I just can't imagine doing that. She was so insecure, at the beginning, thinking she didn't deserve me. But I didn't deserve her...but there really never was anyone else. Only her. Always her. Forever."

Alec finished his speech, tears brimming his eyes before stepping down from the podium and rushing from the room, headed straight to your previously shared bedroom.

He sat on the bed, grabbing the shirt of his that still smelt like you. And there, he lay, crying until he fell asleep.