Shadowhunters Imagines & Preferences

Alec ~ Beautiful

Based/Re-tell of Malec's first time but re-imagined with you :)

Also touches on a lot of body insecurities because, as much as we'd sometimes like to, we can't all have the bodies Izzy, Clary and Maia have and I am certainly not in the category of people who do have that body.

So, idk, it could be triggering, maybe?

Just don't get offended, I'm not using any words like 'fat' or anything like that because I hate that fucking word but idk insecurities can be a touchy subject so I'm just letting ya'll know

********

You still couldn't quite believe you were doing this.

Neither you nor Alec had lost your virginity and, tonight, you'd decided that you were ready. After a conversation with Izzy that had been incredibly embarrassing on your part, you'd come to Alec's door and, without speaking a word, kissed him passionately.

At first, Alec was wary. He'd been ready for a while now but had been sure to tell you that he would wait until you were, as well.

But when you'd told him you were ready...he didn't waste any time in kissing you back.

Now, the two of you were stumbling into his room, giggling and smirking.

You follow Alec's lead into the room, pushing the door closed behind you and stretching your neck out to keep his lips on yours.

Awkwardly, you start hopping on one foot trying to tug the ridiculously tall thigh-high boots Izzy had bought you for your birthday. Unfortunately, taking them off was just as hard as putting them on and you stumble indelicately, grabbing onto Alec's shoulders to stop yourself from falling on your ass.

The both of you chuckle nervously and Alec hoists you up on his dresser, his hand travelling along the length of your thigh from your hip to your foot at a tantalisingly slow pace before pulling your boot off smoothly, following suit with the other one.

"That was hot" you joke, smirking. You weren't totally lying though...his hand on your thigh was bliss.

"Shut up" he glares mockingly, lifting you from the dresser and placing you on your feet. You attach your lips back to his and start to gently push him back as your hands slide down his chest until reaching the hem of his shirt.

Gently, you pull the hem upwards until it reaches your interlocked lips and Alec reluctantly pulls his head back, granting you the ability to pull his shirt over his head.

You discard it quickly, re-entering the comfortable space in Alec's arms, your hands re-claiming their spot in his hair and your lips re-attaching themselves to his, a complicated puzzle piece that seemed only to match each other.

When Alec's heels hit the footboard he gracefully falls backward onto the bed, instinctively pulling you on top of him.

"That was graceful" You chuckle, raising your eyebrows

"Shadowhunter" Alec gestures and you smirk playfully but don't manage to comment before Alec pulls your lips hungrily back to his.

Alec's hands move from your face to your waist, squeezing your sides tightly as he deepens your kiss, his back arching up from the bed to follow your lips as you lift yourself up enough to settle more comfortably on top of him.

As he reaches the hem of your shirt, his hands slowly gliding the material up your back, the feeling of his skin against yours is a little too real, a little too much and you start second guessing yourself.

Were you really ready to allow him to see you? All of you?

"I-" you speak but your words falter and you pull away quickly, squeezing your eyes shut and rolling off of Alec onto the other side of the bed, sitting up with your back facing him.

"Am-Am I doing something wrong?" Alec stutters and the nervous note in his voice almost breaks your heart - this was new to both of you and sometimes you forgot that

"No such thing" you chuckle anxiously

"Do you...not want to?"

That was the thing.

You couldn't really tell. Inside, you were both yearning for him to touch you and shying away from it.

For you, this was a very touchy subject. You had never been confident with your body. You weren't tall and statuesque like Izzy and you weren't petite and cute like Clary was. You had flaws - your hips were too wide, your face too round, your stomach a little too chubby.

That was how you saw yourself, anyway. Alec always swore up and down that you were beautiful and Izzy, Clary, Jace and Simon were quick to agree with him. But just because they said it didn't mean you saw it.

It wasn't even just that. Doing this, going through with it, it meant not only that Alec would see every inch of your body, but he would see every inch of you. You felt very vulnerable, very exposed and honestly...you didn't know if you could handle that.

"No...I mean, yes...Of course I do..." you stammer but even you could hear the uncertainty in your voice

"Y/N...what is it?"

He knew you too well.

Damn it.

"It's just..." you sigh, keeping your face turned away even though you yearned to turn around and kiss him again, just forget about your insecurities, "I don't know if..."

Slowly, you turn to face him, scrutinising his expression.

Kind, understanding, loving, adoring...nothing had changed in the way he looked at you. It never did.

"Y/N...Am I doing-" Alec begins but you cut him off before he can finish

"It's not you, it's me. I feel like I'm just...I don't like the way I look. I don't like my...my body. I don't look the same as everyone else in this Institute. I'm not slim, my arms and stomach are too chubby and-"

"Y/N" Alec repeats, both sternly and softly, his hand raising to brush the hair from your face, his fingers trailing along your bottom lip, "You're beautiful."

"You just have to say that because you-"

"Because I what?" Alec interrupts, his voice still soft, not a trace of anger of harshness, "Because I'm your boyfriend? Because I love you?"

"Well...yeah" you wince, your gaze dropping to the bed

"Y/N" Alec says your name again and you feel that familiar warmth swell within you, "Just because I'm your boyfriend doesn't mean I have to say those things or that I'm lying when I say them...I mean them. You are beautiful. You're stunning, gorgeous, divine, attractive, ravishing, alluring, heavenly-"

"Ok, ok, I get it" you interject, blushing even more

"No, Y/N, I don't think you do" Alec sighs, tipping your chin up with his finger so your eyes meet his again, "If you did, you wouldn't say those things. You would believe you're as gorgeous as you are. As you've always been."

You feel yourself starting to well up and you let yourself get lost in his eyes, the beautiful seas of green, blue and brown wrapping in and around each other. You could stare into his eyes for the rest of your life and feel perfectly content.

You knew he loved you and you knew, despite those horrible voices in your head, that he meant what he said.

It was going to be a long journey to loving yourself but, for now, his love was all you needed.

**********

I hope you enjoyed this, I don't really know how I feel about it just yet but let me know how you liked it!

Happy Reading!