Shadowhunters Imagines & Preferences

Multiple {Preference} ~ You Self Harm/You Used To

WARNING: THIS MAY BE POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING TO YOU AND DOES CONTAIN GRAPHIC/UPSETTING IMAGERY AND WORDING. PLEASE DO NOT READ THIS PREFERENCE IF THIS COULD BE IN ANY WAY TRIGGERING TO YOU.

This was requested.

I'm only doing a few character's for these so I'm sorry if I don't do your fave but I don't particularly like writing for this topic as it's a bit triggering for me but I wanna give you guys what you want...so yeah, I'll maybe only do 2/3 characters, I hope that's okay?

***

Jace

Of all places to be sent on a mission, it just had to be the hospital you were treated for depression.

As you both enter the door, you feel the old, forgotten memories flooding back. The feelings of loneliness and pain and hurt. It was debilitating.

"Y/N? My lord, is that you, sweetie?" a kindly, old nurse sighs, bustling over to you and wrapping her frail arms around you

"Nurse Agnes" you smile, leaning down and hugging her, darting an uneasy glance at your boyfriend

"My God, you look beautiful" Agnes sighs, smiling proudly, "I'm sure you're feeling better now?"

"Loads better, Agnes" you confirm, looking into her eyes soulfully, "Thank you. For everything."

"Oh, it was nothing" Agnes dismisses, smiling brightly, "You have a good day now, dearie."

You nod, a soft smile settling on your face as Agnes bustles down the corridor.

"Uh...Y/N" Jace's voice breaks the silence and you suck in a sharp breath, "The hell was that?"

"Um, well...I, uh, I was treated here a little while ago" you admit, turning to face him

"Treated?"

"Yeah for...for depression" you sigh, "I was here for a while, almost 2 months. I'd try to commit suicide every 2 weeks, cutting everyday on average so they had to bring me in on critical watch for a while."

"Babe" Jace whispers, circling his arms around your waist, "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"Because it didn't matter. I'm better now. You make me better."

"Well, I'm glad"

Magnus

Worthless.

Pathetic.

Useless.

The usual soundtrack of negative, degrading thoughts circled your mind like a rotating carousel.

You let out a muted groan of frustration, pulling your leather glove from your hand and moving to the heavy curtain by the window.

Daylight was streaming through a small crack in the middle of the curtains. Taking a short, sharp breath you pull the curtain open to one side, slowing sliding your hand into the path of light, inch by inch.

First the tips of your fingers, then slowly down your hand until your skin was sizzling and burning up to your wrist. You grimaced at the pain but kept a straight face, gritting your teeth and letting the pain wash over you.

Just before your hand erupted into flames, you closed the curtain quickly, cascading yourself in darkness once again.

"Y/N" Magnus' choked voice travels through the room and you freeze, nursing your burnt hand, "What-What are you doing?"

"I-Nothing" you shake your head, tucking your hand behind your back and turning to face him, a warm fake smile plastered to your face

"Don't lie to me" Magnus hisses, "Why were you doing that...why were you burning yourself?"