DISCORDIA

[ 57 ] restless heart

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       RESTLESS HEART

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       JINNY STARED AT THE MOON and all its eternal glory that was borrowed from the sun. Without the burning star that their entire galaxy revolved around, it would have been nothing. It was just a poor imitation of the blazing inferno that lit up their morning skies. Night was the desolation of its absence, the undoing of their endeavours.

       A flicker from the crackling fire in front of her caught her attention, a small disturbance of the air that indicated the presence of another. Raulf sat on the log next to her as she mulled her thoughts over the burgundy wine in her cup.

       "You're still angry," he stated. "You shouldn't. Anger is weakness, it clouds one's judgement."

       "You're wrong," she told him. "Anger is what gives me strength. It's the fuel that's kept me alive all these years. Especially when they had me locked up."

       He shook his head with mild chagrin. "It'll eat you up, until all that's left of you is an empty shell of who you once were. All the guilt will catch up to you one day."

       "Are you speaking from experience?" she asked.

       "Lexa and I were born from different mothers," he told her. "Our father was the clan leader before Indra. Lexa was born special, while I was ordinary. I resented her and the attentions she got from it, but they were simply childish notions."

       Jinny glanced towards him curiously. "Why do you say that?"

       "Costia was my best friend. She made me see where my true strength lied," he said. "She was my anchor, grounding me to the earth." He paused, then turned his gaze on her. "Do you not have someone like that?"

       "Yes," she chuckled. "My greatest strength and weakness."

       "Then you're lucky," Raulf told her. "To have someone like that in your life. Some of us have never had the pleasure of falling in love."

       He stood up and placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder before walking away into the haze of fire light underneath the glow of the moon. Jinny took another gulp of her wine, grimacing slightly at the bitter aftertaste and the unsatisfactory warmth in her belly. She was barely aware of the time, but there was a nagging voice at the back of her mind that told her to sleep. Battle would be waged the next day, another gauntlet of survival to be fought.

       "Hey." Octavia came over to take Raulf's place. It looked like she'd been waiting for him to leave. "How's it going?"

       "Honestly?" Jinny smirked humourlessly. "Not that great, actually. I keep thinking that I should be anywhere but here."

       "Bellamy'll be fine," the girl said. "He knows what he's doing. He'll deactivate the acid fog and we can march on Mount Weather. We'll get everyone back."

       Jinny looked around furtively, making sure that no lingering ears were within earshot. "I hope so... because I've run out of ideas to keep the Grounders happy." She sat up straighter on the ground, leaning against the log behind her and turning her head to Octavia with an impish smile. "Hey, how 'bout you give me one those cool war makeup, huh? I'm already dressed for the part."

       She gestured to the light armour made of black leather and metal tipped edged pauldrons that Raulf had given to her. Octavia laughed at her enthusiasm before nodding. "Yeah, sure! Got any suggestions?"

       "I wanna look fiercer than Lexa," she replied with a grin.

       "I know just the thing," Octavia said as she took out a box of war paint from her pocket. Jinny leaned forwards, jutting her chin outwards with her eyes closed as Octavia smeared the cold liquid around her eyes. She could visualise the pattern from where the girl's fingers glided across her skin. A bar across her eyes, fanning sharply upwards on the sides to her temples, then flicked downwards from her bottom lashes. Another line was drawn halfway up to the middle of her forehead and then along the bridge of her nose. Then a smear on her upper lip and down her chin.