Save You (One direction fanfiction)

Chapter 18- Save me from hating myself

I climbed out of the water and wrapped my body up In the towels Louis had given me I walked towards the door but the corner of my eye caught onto a glimmering mirror, I stood back a few steps so I was in front of it, I looked at the parts of my body that weren't covered up, my chunky shoulders, my thighs where horrid my arms were all fat and my face looked horrible, I know me and Alice are twins and it doesn't make sense that I hate what i look like but love what she looks like. she has a better body than me though, she also has more of a personality than me.

back at home i was the sporty girl, the one who was the best at sports, now i cant even run without hurting my legs, im on no sports teams or clubs, im nothing...

in high school i was so self consious of my body mainly my chest, all the other girls had bust and bigger bra sizes than me, i was flat chested. i got over it when Alice told me i was only young and that i hadnt finished growing yet, now im 19 and still only a B, i have no hips, no figure, my stomach is flabby and my thighs are chunky, more chuncky that a kit-kat chunky bar! 

i dropped the towel to the floor and stared at myself, tears kept escaping my eyes and falling down my face. I was only here because the boys felt sorry for me, proably for publicity or something like that. Im not Samantha, or Sammy, im Sam, im nothing.

Nothing, Nobody, worthless.

i looked over at the side of the bath, next to the shower gels and hair products there was a pot filled with shaving cream and razors. i ran my shaking hand along the shelf, sniffling in my tears i put my hand in the pot and pulled out a new razor, i smashed it on the floor and bashed it about with a bottle of bubble bath. the plastic shattered and the razor its self had fallen out. i placed it between my index finger and thumbs and began to slice it down my wrists. blood poured out of my flesh and ran down onto the tiled floor. i dropped the cold metal to the floor and thats when i realised what i had done to myelf.

"sam are you okay in there?" nialls thick irish accent spoke from outside, i was still in his bathroom i had gotten blood all over his bathroom and broken one of his razors. "sam?" his voice called again.

"yeah sorry, be out in a minute" i replied trying not to let my voice crack.

"oh no its okay i was just checking on you, youve been in there a while" he said and then i heard his foot steps fade away. 

i grabbed a bunch of tissues and started to wipe away the blood, i flushed the tissues away and hid the broken pieces of the razor in my towel. 

i wrapped my hair up and my body again before unlocking the door and walking out, Niall had gone and his room was empty. i left his room and flicked the light off on the way out. i ran acrossthe hall and into my room i switched on the light to reveal louis sitting on my bed on his phone. 

"sam!" he exclaimed standing up. i just looked at him. "are you okay?" he asked. 

"fine, why would anything be wrong? im perfectly fine, nothing wrong with me" i spluttered out turning my wrist towards my chest hiding the cuts from him.

"you dont seem okay" he walked over towards me. 

"well i am" i stated moving away towards the cupboard.

"sorry, ill just leave you to get dressed, were watching a movie tonight, well wait for you though dont worry" he said akwardly fumbling with his shirt. 

"thanks" i murmered as he left, when he closed the door i dropped my towel and pulled on my onzie, wait why was all my stuff here? all my clothes and jewelery my shoes, everything. i hid my arm underneath the sleeves of my onzie. i tied my hair in a messy bun on top of my head, i had to act normal like nothing had happened. 

i grabbed a pillow and slowly waked down the stairs and into the main room, no one was there. they must be in the comfy room... i was right they were all sat in front of the television on bean bags and pillows with covers over them keeping them warm. on the screen was the main menu for alvin and the chip munks. 

"sam come sit here with me" louis said lifting up the cover and shuffling up on the massive blue bean bag. i shuffled over with my pillow and squished in beside him. 

"you ready guys?" liam asked,. we all nodded in agreement and he pressed play.

as the movie went on i remebered all the stuff in my room. 

"how did you get all the stuff in my room?" i whispered to louis. 

"oh we collected it on the way back today, we didnt think you would want to come, it would bring back memories" he whispered back. 

"thanks" i yawned. i was basically falling asleep on him. i felt his arms around me trying to pull me closer but i pulled away, i didnt like him feeling my horrible body. 

"whats wrong?" he looked concerned.

"nothing, im gonna head upstairs"

i tried to shake away the look on his face, he looked, i dont even know upset maybe and it made me feel so guilty so ashamed that i made him feel that way. why did i always have to mess things up? i just ruin things for everyone.