Ti Amo da Lontano // Johnnyboy

Chapter Eleven // Il Parco

I couldn't believe that I had feelings for my best friend. I couldn't believe that I had feelings for another boy. 

I was beyond scared of what my feelings meant. I knew that everything was going to be different. Johnny was probably straight, and probably homophobic. People in Tulsa already hated gay people enough. No one liked them. 

I couldn't let Johnny know my feelings. He'd disown me, and then I'd be back to having no friends. Hell, he'd probably tell the rest of the gang. They'd be furious, and then throw me out of my own home. 

Only Steve could know my feelings. 

This whole thing was definitely Steve's fault. 

If he hadn't asked me if I had feelings for Johnny, I would have never realized them. I would just continue to think I was straight. I could have been completely oblivious. 

I groaned, and laid face first on my bed.

-

I felt a pair of hands on me, shaking me awake. I slowly rolled over, trying to see who it was. 

My brother Sodapop stood at the edge of my bed. 

"What do you need, Soda?" I asked. I was mildly annoyed that he had interrupted my nap.

"Johnny's downstairs in the living room. He said that he wanted to hang out," he stated softly. I couldn't help but groan. 

"Do I have to go?" I questioned. Soda's eyebrows shot up. 

"I mean, he's your best friend. What's going on? Did something happen between you two?" he asked, worried. I almost wanted to laugh. 

Nothing happened between us, but I wanted something. I wanted him. 

"No, nothing happened. Just tell him that I'll be down in a few minutes," I mumbled. Soda just nodded, and then stood up. 

"By the way, if you ever want to talk about any feelings you might be having, you can always come to me," he suggested. I forced a smile.

I would never come to Soda for something like this. 

-

I slowly got up, desperately wanting to prolong the amount of time I had until I saw Johnny. I walked to my dresser. 

I needed a fresh change of clothes, so I put on a tight black t- shirt, some khaki colored jeans, and a pair of high white top converse. I made sure to cuff the jeans to showcase the shoes. 

Next, I walked over to my mirror. I didn't bother putting more grease in my hair, but instead brushed it back until it was acceptable with my fingers. I wanted the hair out of my face, but I also wanted to look decent. 

When I was finally dressed and ready to go, I mentally prepared myself to not act super gay. I didn't want to scare Johnny off. 

I walked down the stairs. 

-

Johnny was sitting on the couch, next to Steve. They were rapidly speaking in Italian. I had absolutely no idea what they were saying. 

Knowing Steve, he was probably telling Johnny about my feelings for him. 

"..Ti sto dicendo l'uomo, non hai nulla da perdere!" stated Steve. I saw Johnny grin.

"Forse hai ragione. Gli ho solo piace molto, e io non voglio rovinare nulla," replied Johnny. I couldn't stand them speaking in a foreign language anymore.

"Johnny!" I exclaimed. Both Steve and Johnny looked at me. 

"Ponyboy! Il mio amore!" he stated. I felt my cheeks go pink. Steve winked at me. 

"Well, I'll see y'all alter. I have things to do," said Steve, disappearing out of the front door. I giggled when he said that.

It was funny how Steve could sometimes have an Italian accent, and then a Southern accent. It always fluctuated with him. 

"Well, what do you want to do?" I asked Johnny awkwardly. He stopped to think for a moment. 

"I want to go to il parco!" he exclaimed. Before I could object, he was already out the door.

-

Johnny and I were sitting on some swings, going up and down. For some reason, I had an eerie feeling, almost as if I had done this before. Then I realized something. 

Johnny and I had been here in a dream before. 

It's just a coincidence, it means nothing, I told myself. 

I was taken out of my thoughts when Johnny began to speak. 

"Ponyboy?" he asked. I gazed at him, admiring his existence. 

Stop being so fucking gay!, I yelled at myself. 

Johnny was definitely going to catch on if I continued acting so strange.

"What is it, Johnnycakes?" I replied. He glanced at his feet.

"Have you ever had your first bacio?" he whispered. I felt my eyes widen, and my cheeks turn hot. 

"N- no I haven't," I stuttered back. Johnny seemed to sigh in relief.

Why the hell was he relieved?

"Ponyboy?" he asked again. I looked back up at him. 

"Yes?" I whispered. I saw Johnny start to breathe heavier. 

"Has anyone ever told you.." he started. 

I held my breath. 

This happened in my dream. 

"...has anyone ever told you that you are extremely carina?"