Just What I Needed

Just What I Needed (68)

"How’s the tour gone so far for you, then?”

Turning her lips up in a smile, Keely ran her hand through her hair. “Brilliant,” she answered, just the word making her want to hide as it felt as if someone was cutting the inside of her throat with a burning knife.

In reality she would have liked to let the smile drop and answer that it had been amazing at one point, but now it felt like torture every time she stepped onto the stage. All the kept her from crying every time she had to open her mouth and sing was the filled stadiums of her excited fans. If it wasn’t for them she had no idea what she’d be doing. Even with the pain and coughing that that occurred every show, she was still in love with the stage and didn’t want to give it up.

That was truly sick wasn’t it? Being in love with something that just hurt you time and time again, like clockwork.

But she didn’t say any of that, just answered in her hoarse voice that was barely there as if she was having the time of her life every show. And how had she ever thought that she was a bad actor?

“How long do you have left?” the reporter for the magazine asked, their interview being filmed to go up on the website.

Fixing the acoustic guitar held in her lap, she felt her eyes flicker over to the window of the viewing room. It was like she and the reporter were attractions in a zoo, people watching them closely from out of contact. Her eyes meeting Seth’s through the window, she quickly looked back to the journalist. “We just have the show tomorrow night then there’s a much needed two week break, we have our last show in Seattle and the tour is over.”

“Just in time for some summer festivals, right?” he returned, winking at her lightly.

The chuckle that escaped her lips quickly turned into a cough, making her hastily cover her mouth in the crook of her elbow. Her eyes unintentionally flickered over to Seth who was standing with his arms crossed, people on all sides and she couldn’t help but notice the concerned frown that furrowed his brow.

“We’ll see about that,” she returned mysteriously. Yet in her head, Keely couldn’t help but wonder if she’d ever be able to do another tour again. Would anyone even want to hear her with the way she was performing lately?

She wasn’t doing a good enough job. Keely wasn’t an idiot, the crowd might still be ecstatic for having been to the concert, but they didn’t realize how truly awful of a performer she was lately. Every time she could see the looks on her bands faces that told her she wasn’t holding up, the concerned looks on Seth’s face, the confused look on Will’s face, the sympathetic looks from Marco, Colton and all the stage guys. It was everywhere she looked, people telling her she wasn’t good enough.

“So are you going to play us a song, then, Keely?” asked the journalist.

Nodding Keely looked down at her guitar, steeling herself against the pain that would invariably come. Even without a crowd, she was addicted to playing and no amount of agony was going to keep her away. But she was still scared.

“Since I already played Yesterday’s Gone, I thought I’d do a cover now,” she murmured, strumming the beginning chords.

Closing her eyes she felt her foot begin to type in time. And when she opened her mouth, her voice flowing out where it had once been natural, it came out in almost a croak. Two weeks ago when she’d been singing Your Song accompanied by Seth on the piano, she had managed to keep a somewhat smooth sweet sound. Now it was out of reach, coming out instead in a rasp that was almost completely alien.

“Little ditty about Jack and Diane, two American kids growin’ up in the heartland. Jacky’s gonna be a football star, Diane’s debutante backseat of Jacky’s car…”