Don't - Mark Tuan Fanfic (Third Book for 'Can't')

3 - Trouble

"We're over." I can't look at him. My tears are dripping down my hands on my lap.

"Babe ...." His voice is like a whisper. "No .... Cristina." His hands are now wet as he puts them on top of mine and my tears are falling on them. "You don't really mean that." Then a softer, "Do you?"

I don't answer. Do I really mean it? Do I want him completely out of my life? Earlier, about a few minutes ago, I would have answered 'Yes' without any hesitation at all. But, right at this moment, as I look at the crying boy in front of me, I don't really know.

Based on the stories I've heard, Mark and I must have been through a lot together. I stole her from Lara. I dragged him to Michigan to put him in trouble. He left me to get engaged with Sandra - which he said he cancelled, so there was actually no engagement. He came back for me just when I lost my memory.

We got parted many times. But, he still ends up coming back to me.

Do I want to end all these madness and start a new life without him? Can I give up everything behind us although I don't remember what exactly I'm giving up?

Or ... could it be that I'm still holding onto him because he saved my life?

Do I even really love him?

"Y .... Yes." I finally answer after a long while. "Yes, Mark. I really mean it."

"Babe ..." his eyes are shaking and so are his lips when his hands slowly leave mine.

"I ... I don't think I really love you." I voice out the answer to my own question.

"You're just saying that." He reaches out to me again. "You're angry. I know. But, I know you DO love me, Cris. If this is about me going to Busan and lying to you, I'm sorry. Ok?"

So ... he admits now that he's lied.

"Babe. I just didn't want you to worry."

Worry me?

"Cris. I asked the training to be in Busan because something is going on in the resort." He starts, looking at me hopefully. "Some money ..."

"Mark." I cut him off. "Maybe it's not just about this anymore." I sigh, wiping my tears with my free hand. "Maybe I just need to think this through for a while. Everything is just happening so fast. My mind .... My heart ... I'm just ..." I look down at his fingers which are still entwined on mine. "I'm confused."

"Confused?" He raises his voice and I look up to see his pissed expression. "About what? Isn't it enough that we love each other? What more do you want, Cris?" His face gets even redder in anger now. "Is it that guy earlier?"

"What?" I shake my head, closing my eyes, getting annoyed myself. "No. I don't even fuckin' know that guy." I take a deep breath and look at him again. "Look, Mark. There are a lot of things in my fuckin' mind right now. I don't know what I'm even doing here. I don't know why, of all the people, I chose to steal you away from my bestfriend. I don't know why, after hurting me like that, I still accepted you back."

He furrows his brows, his anger slowly disappearing.

But, I remain enraged as I continue to shout. "I don't fuckin' know why the fuck I'm still thinking of you when I should be worrying about something else. You get me?" I'm gasping for air after the last word. "I don't know if I can still love you as much as I did. That's my problem." My yell is getting even louder, my voice echoing inside the enclosed car, making it even harder for me to breathe well. "If you ask me if it's enough just for you to be here ... I. DON'T. FUCKIN'. KNOW."

"Babe .... Cristina ..."

"Goodnight, Mark." I sigh in finality.

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