Don't - Mark Tuan Fanfic (Third Book for 'Can't')

7 - Mark

I don't want her to go. I don't want her anywhere else except in a place where I can see her. But, this time, I have to. I don't have any other choice but to do just that. For the first time since our relationship started, way before she lost her memory, I'm letting go of my selfish whims and letting her go back to her dad.

There are just so many promises I keep on breaking.

I told myself I won't let her cry ever again. But, look at her now, her tears are coming down her eyes and even if I wipe them away, they still roll down like rivers. The worst part of it is that I'm the cause of her anguish. Why did I even think I could pull this off?

Also, I swore to tell her everything ... the truth. But, I lied. Again. I lied about the reason for me going to Busan. I feel really bad, not because she found out anyways, but because it made her feel like I don't love her.

I love her. I lover her more than anything. I'd do anything to keep her safe and feel secured. That's why I didn't tell her at first.

The night before I went to Busan, I received a call from Noe. He said that there are some expenses done under my name that weren't accounted for. I went to Busan because Sandra is the only other person I know aside from my parents and Cristina who has access to some of my accounts. I took her by surprise, but even if Noe and I did thorough investigation on the missing funds, there was nothing I could blame on her.

Sandra was furious, of course. It took some time before she calmed down. I didn't fire her. God knows what she might do if I let her out of my sight. I don't want another person hating on us. I could see she doesn't like Cristina, and I don't want to add to that by throwing her back on the streets. It might start another chain of revengeful acts.

And that's the last thing Cristina and I need. Our relationship is already edgy to start with.

When I came back and found her almost attacked by a guy, I realized her nightmare had just come true.

I left her ... again. She needed my help and I was nowhere to be found. She was scared out of her wits and I couldn't even provide any kind of security.

And then ... her drug use. That's the worst of this all.

She was still using drugs and drinking secretly right under my nose and I didn't even sniff it. How terrified could she have been? How worried is she? What other thoughts are running in her mind? Why can't I make her open up to me anymore?

Because she doesn't love me anymore, that's why.

She tried. I saw that. But it wasn't enough to let her feelings come back. That's the sad part.

All my regrets on that day - the day I left her in our dorm to go back to LA and just left her a letter - come back to me. If only I wasn't a coward and told her what was happening, none of this would've happened. She wouldn't have become an alcoholic, she wouldn't have used drugs, Sean wouldn't have caught up with her, Trey wouldn't have died, too. And she would still be in my arms ... smiling.

My tears run down my eyes as I lay beside her on the bed. I found her outside the building, laying on the ground unconscious just a few moments ago, a broken bottle of beer beside her and her face full of worries. I think she slept walk or something. Or she might have waken in the middle of the night and got drunk. I'm just glad I saw her before any other pervert or some dirty minded guy did.

"Baby. I'm sorry." I whisper, brushing off a strand of her hair away from her face and tucking it behind her ear. "I love you. But, I have to let you go now. It would be too selfish for me if I still let you stay with me, wouldn't it? I might not be able to protect you from this storm that is about to come." I lean forward and gently touch my lips on her forehead, hoping that I can just kiss both our worries away.