The Babysitters

Chapter 36 : Advice

"Me," Lorraine smiled sheepishly. Her face looked dull, as if she had not slept  since a few days. Well, whatever it was, I still did not feel pity for her.

"Why are you in my room? Just get out, okay?" I shouted, my voice filled with disdain.

"I am going anyway, Samantha," she muttered, looking at the floor, "forever."

I frowned, "What are you saying?"

"I'm leaving for Connecticut, tomorrow," she admitted, looking into my eyes, "My final year is about to begin at YALE."

"And you came to visit me just to inform me about your departure?" I questioned her suspiciously. She smiled - a real, soft smile.

"Not actually," tears welled up in her eyes as she continued speaking, "I wanted to thank you."

Thank me? I wonder when did I do something good for someone like Lorraine? Then, suddenly, I remembered the time when I shouted at her, at the airport.

"Oh! For that?" I smirked, "You don't have to thank me Lorraine. I am a pro at putting people back to their level."

Well, obviously I was trying to pull a nerve of Lorraine. Something that will make her annoyed and she will regret her decision of coming to meet me. But all she did was smile at me.

There are two types of smiles. One is the cheerful smile, that reaches your eyes and fills your soul with the joy of living. Then the other one is the shield for pain, which you pull up to fool people, trying to make them believe that you are happy. But deep down you know you are just losing hope.

The smile that Lorraine was having on her face was the latter one. For a minute, I felt like slapping myself for acting rude with her.

Finally, I decided to not judge her anymore and act like a hospitable guest.

"You can sit, you know," I muttered, pointing to my bed. She hesitantly nodded and sat at the corner of my bed. I too pulled a chair from my study table and sat on it, facing Lorraine.

"What you said was rude," she chuckled.

I rolled my eyes, "So what did you expect? I'll blow flying kisses at you for taking Tiffany away from all of us?"

"But you had a point," Lorraine continued, avoiding my foul look, "I don't have any claim to call Tiffany my daughter when all I did was abandon her."

"Finally, somebody knocked some sense into you," I muttered, more to myself.

"Only Dylan has the right to decide her future. After all, he had been there for her in every tough time," there was a shine in her eyes when she was talking about Dylan, as if she still loved him.

'Do I have the same light in my eyes when I talk about Trystan?' I wondered to myself.

"Yes, I was being selfish when I claimed to have the custody of Tiffany. It was wrong in all sort of ways. But I am a mother, Samantha," Lorraine shifted closer to me and took my hands in hers, "I can give up on my daughter, move away from her, even try to avoid her. But how can I live with a guilt of giving pain to my own flesh?"

I laughed bitterly at her statement. A part of me saw my own mother in Lorraine. Just like Lorraine, my mother too gave up on her daughter twelve years ago.

"Why am I not convinced by your emotional speech, Lorraine?" I ruptured my hands from her grip, "You abandoned a little girl just because you were not ready to accept the consequences of your mistake."

"It was not Tiffany's fault that Dylan and you had a hard time controlling your hormones. It was not her fault that you did not use protection. It was not her fault that you got pregnant so early in life. But still she was the one to handle the consequences," I was panting as I continued speaking.