Trying not to fall in love

Things change to fast

I feel like ver since was a child I have this hidden talent if hurting the people I love.. And without them my world is an empty dark place

The whole world never knew that I was in drugs or why I was to close katlin ...

They all liked me.. For some reason well its easy to like a stranger by there exterior than. To love someone after knowing the darkest secrets

It's very rare to find a true friend I was lucky enough to find three .. But all I did was lie to them and ditch them.. Especially Nat ... And still chose to stand by me .. I did go and clear everything with everyone it tool me a whole day to convince them I had to promise all there that I will never go back to that dark place ..

Everything was fine except that one person who was avoiding me for two days and 6 hours 16 min and 30 sec .. Thats when the bell rang bring me back form my thoughts ..mrs Kiran with a please. Smile .. Looks at me ... It's was comforting ... It was like she trusts me ....

I didn't wnat to go to lunch .. I put my head down on my desk thinking how I spent two days only studying ... I was lost in the thoughts two horrible weeks ..that I hardly remember what happen

Tears start to tool everything was blur ... I feel someone ruffle my hair who ever it was had a comforting touch .. I look up to find ash ..

Hi ash I say ... Hey sweet heart don't want to have lunch they are having spaghetti and meat balls ... Um no I think I will just stay here ...he say okay as he leaves ... Hmm so they guy how that was the love of my life ... For some reason doesn't like me ... Nice I think to my self ... Obviously. In sarcasm

After few minutes he walks back ... Hey cutie pie ..he says .. Missed me he asks with a smirk ..

He notices the confused expression on my face well you didn't wnat to move you ass out of this chair so I got us some food ..

He takes the fork turning it a multiple times and he hold the fork in mid air ... Okay me little angel open your month ... I nod saying no .. He brings it closer .. Open your mouth or we will be seating here even while class is going and I will feed you he says ... I open my moth ... He feeds me the first bite ... Than the second. And then the third ... Hey you should take a bite it's yummy I say ... I know cause everything I do is ...

Huh I say in confusing ... As he takes in a bite ... Any way hey I am sorry for going all playing those slut moves on you .... He chokes ...

So I was write he murmurs ..about what I question ... What he ask ? You were right about I question ..

Umm you wanting to have sex was an impulsive idea just make me feel better he says ....

Yeah um I am sorry bout that I say ...

Well I must confess you looked smoking hot though

And I found it so sexy when you pushed me on to the bed and ...

I did all that I ask ... Well not to mention how gently you bit my lower lip .. He drove me insane ...

Stop please ... I don't remember anything ... It was like a nightmare I says ...

He tucks his hand into my .. Hey he says as kisses my knuckles .. I am sorry I wasn't there to help you he says .. I smile .. That when Nat enters ... Well I happy the trouble in paradise is over ... She says with a genuine smile

She sits next to me ... Both of you am sorry ... I have this bad habit of hurting people I like , take them for granted and act like I don't care about them ... But I really do .. Sorry for being such a bitch ..

Ashton leans in to kiss me on the check so did nat .. Dean walks in taking a snap of us .. Like he knew it before ..

Dean I am sorry I say .. He kisses me on my forehead to I see Ashton giving a death glare to him ..well my baby sister ... I am glad your fine he says .. I break into a smile . The bell rings

Me and Ashton had chemistry to gather .. I hit here first so I take my seat to a corner .. Ashton comes and seats right next to me ..

We didn't have a chemistry class ... Instead we had a lecture about drugs and all ... I knew that did this party because of me ... Cause half the time the principal looked at me ..

I was having and anxiety attack mostly cause I was shame full and scared everyone will found out ... I duck low to cover my face as the buying sitting in front of me was pretty tall

I close my eye I see nothing but darkness .. Felt like a loser for giving in ... I feel a hand tugging into mine from underneath .. I quickly loom to my side for ashtons reaction he wasn't there .. I look up to realize it was ash holding my hand ..

There were five minutes .. Principle announce the names of people who did well on the SAT

Well Carly he says with a smile Ashton .. Beckham and lastly Tristan ... Which mean I didn't do good

Now I felt like a useless piece of crap ... I didn't do good in my SAT s ... I was horrified even to imagine what my parents had to say to this

After a about I a min the principal looks out of his glasses which were have way down his nose

Sorry class there is one more person that is Selena drew he says

I was happy a bit ... But I was lost in thought of how to fix my self ..

Slowly I started depending on ashton for everything foe dropping me and picking me up

What ever Ashton did I was okay ... I followed as he said .. I dressed according to him ... Put on a lot of make up and stopped cause he didn't Like so much ... I went to gym ... Played more sports ... Stuck to strict regime I did all this to maybe met his level .. He never asked me to but I didn't wnat to be his secret any more ...

I did all this and Ashton became more open bout are relation ship

It was Sunday around 12 in the night .. I her at a knock at my window .. I was terrified. But I still open it with a pillow in my hand ..

I see Ashton he smiles staring at that pillow

I quickly throw it on to my bed ..

Well he says wile tucking stands of hair falling on my face behind my year ...

I missed you he says .. I don't know why .. Even though the last i talk to you was fifteen. Mins ago .. We sit at the bay window ..we talk the whole night .... Hey Alexis Carmon Ames .. Removing Ashton he smiles ... I don't feel my self lately... Hmmm he says dodging that ..

That when Nat texts me .. Hey its Rae drew birthday tomorrow ... Who ask .my little sis she replies .. Cousin I question ah didn't tell you she asks ... No .. She doesn't reply .. Ash who is Rae I ask .. Umm she my new dog he says ... Lie better I state. .. .. What makes you think I am lying he says .. I hand him the phone with Nats chat

Oh yeah .. Why did you lie I ask .. Um cus ...

You don't trust me do you ... That's when I get Sofia text me - hey can you get Rae a gift from my side too please .. Ty your the best ..

You told Sofia and not me I question ... He was silent ... Your silence is making things worse please answer me I scream ..

Well you changed okay ... I am tying to recall for you ... He says .. Refall for me ?

I mean you changed the why you like and I felt that's for everyone around you and you were at a lost place so I decide ... To not trust me I say

Well Ashton I did all of them for you ... So you would be proud of me .. And we wouldn't be a secret.

Really he questions not to impress your YouTube viewer's or the people who drool over you .. You changed you want attention he says and a turned out to be a bigger control freak now a days

Hey your getting me out of it as reward be happy he says .. Huh really I ask

So your a player and Kaitlin was write ...

What no he says ..

Yeah all you want to is have fun .. But at least as a good stranger let me tell you one girl doesn't have to make your opinion on all girls ...

Try to fall in love with someone truly it may change your view on girls I say . I rush it to the wash I lock my self I was in crying the whole time .