Trying not to fall in love

After a lot of realization

I was wrong once again ... I thought I let go of the past .. But I didn't .. My past had a lot of influence on me ... I couldn't point the bad influence it had on me till

I am a walking from of negativity ... And I can find bad even in the sweetest thing

I felt some where in my heart deep inside .. I gave importance to money ,luxury,fame .... And so on the list went

I didn't want to be that way ... I was scares to say it out cause I did t wnat to be judged ... I didn't wnat to take help in any form... Cause I didn't want to give any one the upper hand in my life ...

Saying this I feel bossy .... I can only find bad in me ... Every part of my body my soul ...... I feel ashamed of who I am.. I don't wnat to be lazy ...i want to work hard ... I don't want to give up..i wnat to stay strong ... I don't my falling if I know I have tried more than my level best ... I would have been happy with those satisfactory tears

I feel an arm around my west giving me warmth from the Cold winter ... It was Ashton ..

Hey honey .... He says as he gently kisses me on my hair ... Aren't you feeling cold he says ...

Not now i say .. Hey ash i am sorry for all the trouble i put you... hey angel he interrupts ...ash

I am sorry .. I knew you mean more than a friend to me long ago but .... I was scared I would loose you as a friend ... More scared that you would stop liking me .... I say as i turn to his side ... But now I am willing to take a risk ... What ver will be will be rite

Right he says with a big smile on his face ...hey tomorrow is Christmas eve you want to go home ... He asks ...

Umm I want to celebrate Christmas's here ... Cause i used to when i was a child ... It's been so long i have come here .... You could leave tho .. It's your first. Christmas with Rae i say

Not with out you baby ... Do you wnat to gl shopping he asks ... I already did ... I bought gifts for every one ... I say with a big smile ...

Well you still ha e to come and give me company ... He says picking me bridal style ...

Put me down ash ..... He doesn't listen to me We going to living room he gently puts me on to the sofa ... I never where chains ... Today I did were a chain that i designed. Long ago ... Ash all ways has a chain on ... It's what his mom gave ..

The locket of my chain gets stuck to his ... Bring us closer .. I could look in to his eyes ... They were twinkling like stars ... He plants a kiss on my heart starts to rise .. I am having in adrenal rush ... Kiss him back .. My tongue touches his .. He kisses me back ... I gently bite his lower lip .. After a saga of kisses

I wake up as the bright Sun rays hit my face .. I grab my phone to see it was 8 : 30 in the morning ... I smile grew on my face as I see Ashton lying on to of me ... He looks so peace full I didn't want to wake him up .. I can't help but look at him ... He was shirtless ..... Which made it eve. More difficult to take my eyes off of him .. He lifts his head up ... I know you can't get enough of me ... And I am to irritable... But I need to sleep ...

I can't help it ... Your the one who looks so gorgeous ... He looks up again ... Did I say it out that Loud I ask hmm he says ..

And goes back to sleep ... I run my fingers through his hair .. His hair is so soft like a fluffy pillow ... I close my eyes trying to sleep ... Realizing ash won't get of me any soon

I could here the door open and all but I thought it was locked and I was just dreaming ...

After few brief moments ... I open my eyes to see Nat, dean and val stare at me with big smiles faces ... And I shut my eyes again