A Match Made In Jannah

Chapter 44

MAARIAH'S POV

Danyaal had left about ten minutes ago to see Nabeel. My nerves were killing me. How would Nabeel react? He wasn't a very volatile person, but this was beyond what he could deal with. We had been in the "party and relationship" lifestyle for quite some time, but we had never taken it to the next level. I paced up and down the hall and eagerly awaited his return.

The clock seemed to move in slow motion. Each second was an eternity and finally I could bear it no more. I needed to get my mind cleared, and the perfect way to do this was to occupy myself with my favourite activity, driving. I grabbed my father's keys and made my way to his BMW. Hesitantly I placed the key in the ignition and revved the car.

Almost as if it could control itself, the car pulled itself out of the driveway and towards the country road. I'd always loved driving through the shoulder-high wheat and sugar cane fields, on a sandy road stretching to nowhere. It was as if I could drive forever and ever and all the pain would melt away. I just wanted to be one with nature. It didn't matter that the wheels groaned under the pressure of the stones beneath it. It didn't matter that the sun roof was open and the sun blasted down onto my hijab and seared through it to my head. All I needed was this escape. The baby growing inside me had become a fragment of my imagination. It was no longer a living being, and for a moment I remembered what it felt like to be young. I remembered the days when Laaiqah and I would ride on horseback through the stretches of countryside, and the only worries I had were of falling off the majestic stallion I had been given to ride. Laaiqah had never been anxious about that; she was always in control. I wondered where she was now. I wondered if she remembered our childhood now. I wondered if the memories of the country and the games in her old bedroom ever rushed back to her. I wondered if she ever longed to go back to a time when we were closer than I could ever imagine being to anyone.

It was beautiful being in the Morningville countryside, but it made me realise that I had to choose carefully before it was too late. My choices were few, and I needed to do the correct thing for myself and for the child.

I maneuvered myself back onto the tarred road just off the gravel I had been travelling on. I held my breath and told myself that it would be okay.

When I finally arrived at my destination and managed to exhale, I felt intimidated by the building beside me. The white sign in front of me had red letters carefully typed in thick letters and read, 'Family Planning Clinic.'

It was too late now to plan anything, and it was clear that I didn't and would never have a family.

My pumps hit the ground with a thud. It surprised me just how heavy carrying a tiny drop of fluid only in its second month of development could be.

"It's for the best," I whispered. I didn't know who I was trying to convince - My brother, myself or the baby.

All I knew was that I couldn't raise this child by myself and I couldn't face my parents, or anyone, for that matter. My options had been limited from the beginning and I knew that no mother would allow their precious bundle to live in the conditions that I would be placing him or her under.

"You're making the right choice," I repeated, over and over again as I walked through the white-washed clinic halls.