"Fix Me"

Who Am I.

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Chapter 10.

In school i've been getting a lot of respect from the 'populars' for beating the shit out of Harmony but I can't find it in myself to be proud of what I did. I broke her nose and didn't feel remorseful about it, I caused pain and suffering to another person and didn't think twice about doing it.

She did start the fight but .. I'm a horrible person. I'm becoming more and more like my mother each day and it's absolutely terrifying me. The looks of fear thrown my way whenever I pass Harmony and some of her friends makes my insides churn and I get the overwhelming urge to throw up. And Presley.. Now that I'm I'm on the so called 'popular list' he's been giving me more attention to. Offering nice complements and soft kisses here and there, but before the incident he hated me.

I feel like it's my fault though, for letting what happened in the bathroom happen. I wasn't in the right state of mind and I just couldn't control myself. I just I.. Fuck I don't even know what was going through my head.

I feel my insanity slipping, I'm going fućking crazy and no one else seems to see it. At home everything is baby proofed, no sharp objects out in the open. The medicine cabinets are locked and someone knocks on my bedroom door to check up on me every two hours. Supposedly doctors orders or whatever. My next appointment with Dr.Hamish is tomorrow but why should I go? One day i'm going to explode, and there's nothing anybody can do about it. I don't see a future for myself.

"What's on your mind? Something wrong?" Alana asked.

"Yes, yes something is wrong Alana. Life is wrong, everything is wrong."

"El what are you trying to say?" her soft brown eyes widened.

"I'm trying to say I'm tired that's all."

Yeah tired of breathing, I'm not living, i'm surviving, barely, this feeling sucks ass. The bell rang and I gathered up my half eaten burger to throw it into the trash can. Alana walked beside me as we headed to our last class of the day, Biology. I took my seat near the window in a isolated spot where I could have my peace and quiet. Mr. Benjamin walked in,

"Hello Students, pop quiz today. Everyone take out a sheet of loose leaf paper and answer the following questions on the blackboard." I sighed and lazily pulled out a sheet of paper.

I know the answer to all those question up on that board but my hand won't move , I can't write. I'm so exasperated with life I just want to sit here and drown in my puddle of regret and shame but of course I can't do that. It's never that simple. I closed my eyes and tiled my head against the wall beside my desk, listening to the sounds of the wind blowing outside the window.

When I opened my eyes and looked out the window across the yard a girl ,that looks pretty familiar, was being grabbed by some guy who looked furious. She yanked her hand out of his grip and pushed him back, he looked livid as he shouted words at her I couldn't here from inside the school. He raised his hand and punched her in her face making her fall straight to the floor. Anger and sympathy coursed through me.

How dare he hit her.

A real man never raises his hand to a woman. I clenched my jaw and closed my eyes, I don't even know them but I want to rush out of here and beat him to pulp then dry her tears. Beat him to a pulp.. My biggest flaw is not knowing how to handle my emotions. I couldn't help but to think that would be me if I were to get into a relationship with a guy like Presley. I let my eyes close again.

"Ella come here! I have something for you baby." Presley said to me with a huge smile on his face. I giggled and skipped over to him. Whatever he had in his hand he pushed behind his back,