Its been about 3 weeks since my hospital visit and I have really been down playing the whole situation, I haven't told anybody yet and I really don't plan it either..If I have my way, I will deal with this on my own so nobody will have to worry and if worse comes to worse I have already started making any type of necessary plans if..well i wont think of that right away..the doctor who I talked to yesterday said I had to be positive that thats what I'm going..I just dropped CJ off at my sisters and I'm on my way into work..I pulled in the parking garage and got out..I was a little dizzy when I first stepped out of the car..I took a few deep breaths and tried to regain my composure...once I did , I made my way to the elevator..Once I got up to my floor I went and knocked on Shawn's door...
"Come in"
I poked my head in
"I just wanted to let you know I was here"
He smiled and stood up
"Come in here for a minute"
I walked in and closed the door behind me..He walked over to me and placed his hands on my hips, he gave me this deep breath taking kiss..He pulled away from me and moved my hair out of my face..
"You alright"
"Yeah im fine, why do you ask"
"You seem kinda stand offish lately, and you look a little pale"
I laughed a little
"Gee thanks"
I said sarcasticlly
"I didnt mean it like that, you know you always look beautiful, but you do look a little pale, you sure you not coming down with anything, cause if you are you know you can take a couple days off"
I smiled at how concerned he was, I leaned up and kissed his lips..
"No im fine really, might have been something I ate, ill be alright though"
"You sure"
"Positive"
"Ok"
He said kissing my head and letting go
"So what do you need for me to do"
"I put a report on your desk I need you to proofit and then get it back to me, Im preparing for a big case"
"Alright..oh..are you coming over for dinner still"
"Sure am, Im cooking right"
"Yep"
He nodded
"Im going to go head and get started"
He smiled and nodded and I walked out the office and went to do what I had to do...
After dinner that night...
We had just finished dinner, I was sitting on my couch, while Shawn and CJ were sitting on the floor playing..I smiled and looked down at them, these past few weeks with Shawn have been the best and the more time that goes by the depper my feelings get for him..and he gets along so well with CJ, it pissed me off that I could be falling for him and I could end up....its just not fair..
CJ yawned..
"Looks lik esomebody is sleepy"
Shawn said looking down at him..I got up and walked over to them..
"Come on little man its time to get you in bed"
"No"
He said shaking his head and folding his arms..
"Uh oh..looks like somebody is going to be a problem"
Shawn said getting up..
"No he's not, cause he knows if he acts up, his little behind is mine, dont he"
I said looking down at CJ before picking him up.
"No sleep, play time"
"Nope play tim eis over its time for you to go to bed, so say goodnight to Shawn"
"Night night lil buddy"
Shawn said touching his nose..I walked upstairs with CJ and took him into his room and laid him down in his bed and pulled them up on him..I had put him in his jammies earlier so he was all good and ready to go..
"Now get some shut eye, and ill see you in the morning"
He shook his head No but he yawned at the same time, I just laughed at him and kissed his cheek..
"I love you buddy"
"Love you mommy"
I sat there for a little while and watching him dose off..I dont know why but tears started to come down my face as I stroked his hair..
"I promise you mommy is going to beat this thing, Im never going to leave you..You already lost your daddy, I wont let you loose me too"
I said before kissing his cheek again and letting my lips rest there for a while as I closed my eyes and took in his scent..I finally got up and left his room cracking his door so that a little light was shinning inside..I started to walk down the stairs once I got down there Shawn was resting on the couch with his head back..I walked to him and sat down next to him..He opened his eyes and looked over at me..
"Have you been crying"
I just looked at him and didnt say anything..He pulled my head down on his lap and stoked my hair..
"I know we havnet been seeing one another that long, but you know you can tell me anything right"
I nodded but didnt give a vocal repsonse..He leaned down and kissed my cheek..I turned my head and he kissed my lips..the first kiss was sweet and innocent..just a little peck..but when he kissed me again..this time deeper..something ignited inside of me..I sad up a little not breaking the kiss and wrapped my arms around his neck..He broke the kiss and looked at me..
"You sure we are ready for this"
"I want you..I need for you to make love to me right now.."
I said pulling back into the kiss..I didnt think I was gonna go there with Shawn this soon, but right now I didnt know which way my life was gonna go and I was scared out of my mind..there was no time to waste at this point..Shawn lifted me up into his lap and then stood up, carrying me upstairs to my bed room..
