I walked over to my desk and set my stuff down...I still hadnt talk to Shawn since Chase and I got back and that was 3 days ago..I went and knocked on his door..
"Come in"
I peaked my head in, he looked up and then back down at his papers, I sighed and stepped in and shut the door behind me and walked over to him...
"I know your probably upset with me right now, but we can talk"
"I really dont have the time right now, I have alot of things to do"
"Come on Shawn please"
I said putting my hands on his papers to break his concentration..He looked up at me obviously irritated..
"What is it"
"I know I was suppose to call you and I didnt and im sorry, its jsut with Chase back, I didnt have the chance, and I honestly didnt know what I was going to say to you once I did"
He sighed and dropped his pen and folded his hands across his desk..
"Look, im not going to beat around the bush, im happy for you and CJ, having dude back, its incredible, something like this rarely happens, but I know that you still love him, call me selfish, but I cant help but wonder what this means for us, I mean he has only been back for a couple of days and this is the first time i've spoken to you, like you were blowing me off"
"I know and im sorry, I dont know where this leaves us..I mean, I love Chase, im not going to lie to you and say I dont, when I do, but I do have strong feelings for you and thats not just going to go away, so I dont know"
"Well, ill make it easy for you, im giong to step aside, for both you and my sake"
"Why, I dont want you to step aside, i want to be with you Shawn, i do its just..."
"Its just now you want to be with him to right"
He said finishing my sentence
"I dont know"
I said sitting down and putting my head down
"Well I cant just sit by and watch Beyonce, you know how I feel about you, that would just be too much, you cant have both of us, you love Chase, and he's the father of your son, thats just something I cant compete with, and i dont want you to have to be stressing yourself over whether you want to be with me or him, when you should be worrying about getting that translpant"
"Shawn you dont have to compete and its not that simple, just because you decided you want to be the bigger man and move off to teh side doesnt mean my feelings are going to change for you, Idont know what i want right now, this is alot to handle but I know I dont want to no have you in my life, so please just be patient with me"
He didnt say anything to me he just looked at me..I got up..and went to walk out the door..
"Beyonce wait"
I stopped but didnt turn around..I heard him get up from his desk and come up behind me and wrap his arms around me...
"You know its not going to be that easy for me to let you go..I just dont want you to have more on you then you already have right now.."
I turned around
"I know"
I said looking down..he pulled my face back up so I was looking directly at him..
"I need you to make me a promise though"
"Anything"
"Whatever you decide, just promise me you'll let me be there for you with this whole heart thing, whether you want to be with me or Chase, i still want to help you through this"
"You mean you still want too"
"Of course, I love you and i told you im not going to let you be taking away from any of us..so can you make me that promise"
I nodded my head yes
"Good because I went up to the hospital the other day anyway and I had you moved up"
"How"
"Im a wealthy man, so we made a deal, so the next move is yours, you have to get in to the hospital, so they can run some test on you, so they can put all your information out there and find a match, i also started a website saying that you'll pay for someone to donate their loved ones heart if it matches, of course ill be paying though"
"Shawn I dont know what to say"
"Just say you will go up to the hospital, first thing in the morning"
"I will"
He smiled and kissed my lips..
"I guess me asking you to come to dinner would be kind of akward right now huh"
"I dont know..we can grab lunch later"
"Cant I have to work through lunch, how about we grab something after work"
"Cant, gotta get home..you know"
He nodded
"How about i got out on my lunch and get something and I bring it in here, i can sit with you while you work, then ill call you later"
"I guess that would be cool, ill take what I can get"
I nodded and went to turn away, but he grabbed my arm..
"I love you bee"
"I love you too Shawn"
If i didnt know it before..I knew it now..I did love him..
