In Love With My Mobster Best Friend (mxmxm)

FORTY-ONE: FALLEN

Media: Falling For You – Lady Antebellum

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Jared's POV

My eyes trailed after my best friend. Truth to be told, he's really my only friend. Everyone else didn't count like he does. But that's not the point. The point is, I'm quite literally fixated on watching his every move right now. 

I dared not look away from him. Yet, at the same time, I was afraid to keep staring after him. 

I feared that if I looked away, he would disappear on me.

But if I kept on looking, I was scared to see a look of distance, of distrust on his face.

I've never been so unsure in my life. 

I blame Heath for pushing me to become vulnerable. I blame Coe for being so damn worth it. 

I blame myself for my ever shrinking balls. 

"W-When will Heath be back?" 

My eyes widened involuntarily as I heard Coe speak. He hasn't spoken a word to me since last night, since I told him the damned 'L' word. I straightened up where I sat, my eyes still glued to the side of his head since he wouldn't face me. 

"Soon." I managed to choke out miserably. 

At least, I think it's soon. I felt like forever since Heath was called out to the main office by Father. The silence in the apartment was so stifling that I even considered returning to my own apartment to hide out for a while. 

Since when did I become such a coward? I've become soft. I hate this. 

Nothing used to faze me. Nothing. I was fearless, I did what I want, when I wanted to. I said what I wanted, I didn't give two craps about what other people felt, I just did. I just existed and breathed and made things move like the way they should. 

Now. Now I feel pathetic. 

"Oh." 

He fidgeted on the couch for a few seconds before he pushed himself off of it so slowly that I could guess that he was trying to make as little noise as possible. I was painfully aware that apart from this moment of exchange, the only other time he spoke was right after I had told him how I truly felt about him. 

His words exactly: Oh. 

My feelings exactly: Fuck. 

He was so fucking eloquent I just want to shake him until he explained himself or tell me what I wanted to hear. 

If not for Heath's phone ringing with Father's name flashing on it urgently, I would have pushed Coe to explain his reaction. But we lost that timing and Coe chose to pretend all night that he was sleeping, and now I am at a lost for how I should breach the subject. 

It shouldn't be so hard. It has never been so difficult to talk to Coe until now. 

I shifted myself on the couch some, turning to face the back of Coe's head as he fiddled with absolutely nothing of worth at the kitchen sink. He's busying himself. I can tell.