All At Once (Completed) - Finding You Book 1

Harper

Three days later, I find myself driving down familiar roads to my childhood home. I'm restless. I haven't been sleeping. The last few nights brought both wonderful dreams and terrible nightmares. Some about Camden, the others about the only person I've ever really loved.

"There you are, sweetie," Mom says. She sets down her cutting board and pulls me into a tight hug. "You were so vague on the phone the other day, I had no idea what you were getting at. I'm glad you could make it tonight."

"I'm sorry I had to cancel, Mom. I was on an errand with someone," I tell her calmly, walking to the kitchen drawer. Have I really been so wrapped up in Camden that I've completely forgotten making plans with Mom?

"It's fine. We'd just talked about meeting up for coffee and I thought you were in the area when I called. I didn't mean to upset you," she pauses. "You said you were at the airport. Were you picking up someone for work?"

"Not exactly," I say, tying an apron around my waist. "This guy I know had to pick up his nephew. He asked me to come with," I say and Mom's eyes light up. "But I like I told you, it's nothing, so don't even..."

Too late.

"Oh, honey," she smiles, walking up beside me. "I feel terrible about interrupting that for some silly coffee date we had!" she beams.

"Really, Mom. You're getting excited over nothing,"

But the memories of his hands on my still consume my thoughts. His eyes are burned in the back of my mind.

"I'm sorry. You just never talk about men. Let me have this moment. What's his name?"

"Not that it matters because like I said, it's nothing," I say. "But his name is Camden. I took a cab home from the airport and he went to breakfast with his nephew. There's nothing more to it,"

"Oh, God. I rushed you. Honey, I'm sorry,"

"You helped me, Mom. I didn't want to be there," I say, thinking of the airport and what Camden said about being friends. I don't want to feel this way. I want to forget him. I can't be around him and not sleep with him. It doesn't work that way. My body wouldn't allow it; that much was clear as soon as he was gone.

"I'm not ready for that," I whisper. I ended it because it was getting to be too much. It was heading that way, even before Chase came into the picture.

"It worked out anyway. I went to see Cade. I haven't talked to him in a while," my tears begin to fall slowly, painfully.

"Harper, honey..." she says gently, brushing my hair away from my face. "Don't cry," she says.

"It's not what you think this time," I say. "I'm fine." My tears have been falling for the same reason for years. She knows without me saying.

"Something like that won't ever really go away, Harper," she says quietly. Mom always said I didn't deserve the things that happen to me in my younger years. Soon, her eyes fill with tears, too.

"No, Mom. We are not crying about this. I can't do it anymore. It's been 11 years," I manage. "That's a long time to build new memories with this family, but I haven't..." I pause. "I haven't built new memories with anything or anyone that are worth much at all,"

My head fills with memories of Camden's lips on mine.

"I haven't wanted to," I say.

Mom wipes her eyes, watching me carefully. I know this conversation isn't over.

"Why haven't you? Why don't you let someone in again?" she asks. I've been avoiding talking about my feelings for years. The last time she asked me a question about it, I stormed out of the house and completely shut down. "You're a good woman. You've led a hard life but it doesn't mean you have to live that way forever, honey. You can remember without letting it ruin the rest of your life."