All At Once (Completed) - Finding You Book 1

Camden

Thirteen years ago

"That's it, kid, I'm sorry," the doctor says seriously. "Torn rotator cuff. You need surgery if you want to play again,"

"Okay, I'll do whatever...I'll sign the papers..." I swallow, panicked. "Give me a pen and I'll sign them right now."

"No, Camden..." his Dad said next to him.

"I'm almost 18, Dad. You know how close I am. I have to do this," I plead. "The draft is in two months. There's still time.

"No one's going to draft you if you've just had surgery two months prior, son," Dad shakes his head. "You have to be realistic about this,"

"I'll be healing by then, probably. I'll be on the upswing!" I yell. "I can't not try...I've worked hard for this! I've waited years,"

"Healing doesn't just happen by itself. A lot goes into it and there are no guarantees you'll be back to 100%," Dad says.

My eyes shoot to the surgeon, who nods in agreement with my father. I close my eyes.

"I'm not spending money on a silly dream. You will go to college like everyone else and get a normal job," Dad tells me.

"But Dad it's the Angels, Dad...come on. You know this is more than a dream. You know this is real! They've talked to you, too!" I remind him. "Why won't you even listen to me? You've never approved of my choices. What about your other son?" I yell. I'm making a scene. My heart pounds. He's seriously not going to change his mind. But I'm too far gone to stop now, and the words spew from my lips like poison.

"The only attention you give me is negative. You didn't come to a single game to see me pitch, yet you have all kinds of opinions on it now. Cut me a break, Dad. Let me do this, please. Let me try. Believe in me for one god damn second of you life," I plead.

"Watch your mouth," he snaps. His eyes are cold. How can I be a product of this man?

I get it. The decision isn't mine. I'm not 18 and even if I was, I wouldn't have the money to pay for it. "I'll find a way to pay you back," I try, taking a breath.

"No Camden, that's it. I don't want to hear it anymore," his voice is monotone and my eyes fill with tears. I'm being a fucking baby right now, but I don't care. He's wrecking my dream. He's wrecking my future. My life. The only thing I've ever loved is baseball, and now it's gone.

"Stop asking," he tells me harshly, then turns to the surgeon and lets out a breath, like I've embarrassed him. "Thank you, Doctor," Dad shakes his hand as if he's just done our family a favor. "Start reviewing those college apps, son. You've blown all your time on a game, and in the blink of an eye it's gone. It's time to grow up."

"It's no accident that it's gone and you know that, too," I bark at him once the doctor let the room. "That devil woman you call a daughter-in-law started this mess. If she hadn't been doing drugs, yet again, Andrew and I wouldn't have gotten in that fight," he gritted his teeth. "But Andrew's bullheaded and he does what Jenna wants...whatever she wants." I snap.

"So when Jenna pouts and says she's 'sorry' for bringing drugs into the house, that she'll never do it again, and Andrew believes her, I have a problem with it. So sue me, Dad....There is a child in that house," I shake my head. "So I try to talk sense into him, like I always do and he goes off and shoves me so hard that I go through a window. And you see nothing wrong with that? A few cuts I can handle, but this?" I point to my arm. "My shoulder hit first...then the rest of me. I landed on my arm, Dad. My throwing arm. This is not my fault. Do you want your grandson to be raised in a home where Mommy's on drugs and Daddy's throwing family members around like garbage? How can you let Chase stay with them?" I ask.

"Lower your voice, Camden," he says, zipping his coat and opening the door. As we walk through the halls of the doctor's office, I catch people staring. Tears are flooding down my cheeks and I don't care. I've had it. I'm spent. Done. He doesn't fucking care about anyone but Andrew. It's like I don't even exist.

"And you covered for him! It was an accident? Is that what you want your grandson to grow up doing...making excuses? What if Andrew really isn't better? What if he does that to Chase one day. Your excuses won't work if something happens to him," I yell. "You and Mom will never give up on Andrew. But this was my dream. This was all I really cared about. And you so easily give up on me,"

"Quit crying like a baby, Camden," he snaps. "Act like a man,"

One of the receptionists locks eyes with me for a second and I quickly turn away. This is mortifying. Everything about this just hurts. I wipe my eyes with my shirt. I don't want to cry. I have to stop. But it feels like I have nothing left at all.

"I'm not spending my money on a chance. Why can't my sons take anything seriously?"

"Maybe because the only attention we get from our father is negative," I swallow. "But I hardly think you can compare us. Andrew's already been arrested for drug possession once, Dad. Yeah, it was before Chase was born, and yeah, he got out of it with a little rehab...but come on. He does whatever he wants and you somehow overlook it because you think attention will make it worse. You're afraid the smallest thing will push him over the edge. One day you won't be able to save him anymore." he looked at his arm. "I don't ask for much. I try to fly under the radar, but it doesn't mean I don't want you to notice me," this is probably the most honest moment I've ever shared with my father, but he simply stares at me.

"And don't say a thing about money. We're rich. That money's nothing. Mom would let me," I tell him as we approach the car, "Mom knows how big of a deal this is to me. If I begged her, she'd let me."

"We're wealthy because I've worked hard. It's time you learned what it means to work for money instead of playing games and praying you'll get picked first. And don't you dare make your mother choose between my decision and what you want,"

"Dad..."

"I said no," he cleared his throat. "Fill out your applications. You're late on it. You better pray it's not too late," he starts the car and I stare out the window.

I've always told myself not to hate my Dad, but this moment makes me remember why I sometimes do. This is why I can't depend on people. I just lost my entire career in the majors; it would've been nice to get a little sympathy or understanding from him for a change. It's hard to share dreams with someone who doesn't care.

Mom shares my dreams, but unfortunately Dad was probably right when he said it's not fair to make her choose sides. I try to be brave, but she knows it's not always so easy. She's the only one who gets me. And now that my dreams are shot to hell and I'm on the edge of 18, I realize she's the only one I can trust. If this is what it feels like to depend on someone else, I'm never gonna depend on anyone ever again. I'm never going to trust anyone again.

Present Day

So I did it. I manned up. I got the surgery when I turned 18, just so I could function. I spent years paying off the bills, but it was too late for the majors.

I stopped trusting people. Stopped allowing their input to affect my life. And it worked, for awhile.

My eyes shift to Harper and Chase at my table. Eating. Laughing.

They make things interesting. It's unexpected, but refreshing, and my heart's really trying to work out what it all means. But I can only tell myself I don't want this for so long when I know it's a lie. I do want this, at least right now. In fact, I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be than right here with these two, eating my first batch of Hamburger Helper. And that's pretty fucking weird.

I guess everything has a chance to come full circle, if you allow it.

Harper came out of nowhere and she hit me like a ton of bricks. She's carrying a big, sad mystery I may never solve, but she's here for me. Smiling. Caring. And that's better than almost anything I've ever felt before. And Chase...the boy I hadn't been able to save so many years ago. I've been given a chance to change his life, whether our time together is short or long, I'll show him the way to live.

I think I've lived day to day for too long. Suddenly there are things to look forward to, people to share moments with. Make memories with. I'm not alone.

Maybe the world didn't end when I was 17.