All At Once (Completed) - Finding You Book 1

Chase

       

I'm lying on my old bed, and staring up at the familiar brown spot on the ceiling. I haven't lived here in four years, but in some ways, it feels like yesterday. It still smells musty and the window is still cracked. The walls are too thin and he can hear everything being said out in the kitchen, the way I have hundreds of times when my parents argued. My headphones rest loosely in my ears, but I can't get myself to turn on my music to block out the conversations this time.

My mother is out in the kitchen with two, dirty looking men. It doesn't take a scientist to figure out what's going on. I snuck into my room when she wrapped her arms around the neck of the taller one; when will she learn that drug dealers aren't the right type of man for her? But they have the one thing she needs and they don't frown on her for it. I'm sure she thinks that's the only type of man for her.

"So you're a mom again, or what?" I hear one of the men ask. I sit up a little as the deep voice penetrates my walls.

"Yeah, a bad one," she says seriously. "Now give me my shit and go. You can't stay today,"

"Trying to shake us now, huh? You better be nice or I won't come around here anymore," he says.

"Oh, baby. Always empty threats. We both know you always come back," her voice is playful and my stomach churns at the thought of it. Mom is a mess in so many ways. Is she sleeping with this one now, too? Do these guys know the last guy...the one who died? Are they all friends?

Anger boils in my veins. I'm not only disappointed in my mother's choices; I'm furious. People make mistakes. People struggle with addictions. But if she is so 'sorry' for everything she's done to me like her letter implied, she wouldn't be making the same stupid mistakes over and over again. It's no wonder she can't shake her habit. Rehab doesn't stand a chance of working when she's practically sleeping with cocaine.

I turn on my music and reach into my pocket, pulling out a picture of Camden and Harper. I remember the terrified sound of her voice when she called and it breaks my heart. It hasn't even been 24 hours and I already miss them. I close my eyes and hope time will will be enough to get these men out of mom's house.

I wake a few hours later and listen to make sure the men are gone before I leave my room. I buzz with awareness as I stepped into the kitchen. I wasn't sure what to expect, but it wasn't this.

"You're still here," Mom says.

A cautious smile spreads across her face as she pulls a can of soda from the fridge and she sits down at the table. She looks clean and normal, and it would be all too easy to fall for all of it. It's almost 5 p.m. and I throw a few pieces of white bread into the toaster for dinner. Meals aren't fancy here, but it's food. I stand in silence for a moment until my dinner pops up, then spread a thick square of butter on the hot bread and watch it melt.

"Thought you might have changed your mind and left," Mom says as I pour myself some orange juice and sit down across from her.

"Still here, mom," I say softly. "I'm just visiting," I clarify. At first it seemed like I might try stay away from Camden and Harper forever, but now that I'm here I know it would never work. I could never stay with my mother long-term.

A big part of me regrets my decision to leave, and the fact I lied to the two people who honestly care about me. All this because I feel like I need to deal with my lot in life.

In my letter it was pretty clear I didn't plan on going back to them, but I know the courts won't let him stay with my mother, even if I wanted to. There's no way in hell Camden and Harper would actually listen to my request to leave me alone. I heard in Harper's voice; they're coming after me.