All At Once (Completed) - Finding You Book 1

Camden

       

This is as awful as I'd figured.

We only have twenty minutes left to this visit, but I'm sitting here with my palms pressed into my eyes, trying to figure out what I'm gonna do now we're alone.

I'm glad Chase left when he did; he's out there with Harper now, and I have no doubt they're taking good care of each other while I'm in here doing everything I can to keep our family safe.

I've got some things to say to my brother.

My head is spinning with thoughts and memories and a million things I want to say. I wish I could reach through the glass and shake him; I'd like to ask him how he let it get this far. It's like we were raised by completely different people, but I guess in some ways we were.

But there is good in the Fox name, and I'll prove it by raising Chase to be a good man.

I raise my head from my hands and look at him. It hurts. I pick up the phone and hold it to my ear, but I don't say a word. I can barely breathe.

My stomach knots; my heart pounds. For a moment, I think I still see him - that little boy with the big green eyes who promised we'd always be best friends. I loved him more than anyone in the entire world, and I really believed he'd never leave me. But the longer I look, the colder my thoughts grow, and I realize those little boys are as good as dead. We're nothing but strangers, now.

"Camden. Look, man. It's like this..."

"No," I say seriously, shaking my head. "It's like this. You've done a lot of stupid shit over the years...but this is the worst. Chase put a lot of thought and time into getting it right today. You think it's easy for a kid to have limited time with a parent when he's got a million questions as to why you're such a shitty father?"

I pause, but not because I want Andrew to interrupt. I stop because this is breaking my heart. It's been years since I've been face to face with the man who used to be my hero. I talk a lot of shit about Andrew, but Harper's right. I still care about him. I never wanted to lose my brother. Now the best part of my childhood is my biggest disappointment.

Chase suffered for every poor decision Andrew makes. Not just the drugs. Not just Jenna. It's the missed opportunities - the baseball games that were never played...the conversations that never happened. Andrew and Chase will never get that chance.

I completely understand how important those simple moments really are. I didn't get them as a kid, either, and that's part of the reason I don't understand my brother. Andrew watched me get stepped on over and over again by our father, but he let history repeat itself through him. 

Sure, he'd neglected Chase in different ways than Henry had with me, but the end results are the same; he's a boy left thinking he hurt everyone he touches in the world.

As it would turn out, the 'biggest mistake' Andrew ever made was the last good thing he'd done. Chase is the rainbow; he's the green grass after the huge storm. He's the final piece of good of my big brother. And yeah, I will never admit it out loud, but there have been moments the past few months, when I've looked across the room at my nephew and seen just that. There's good in Andrew somewhere - he just can't find it.

When I found out he was divorcing Jenna, I was surprised, but I never let myself believe it was really over. Unfortunately, I was right. I spent years blaming Jenna for Andrew's mistakes.

I didn't want to believe it was really my brother's fault. But she didn't brainwash him. Andrew had a choice and he chose wrong. Unfortunately his poor discretion affected more than just his life. It's a miracle Chase turned out so well.