"I love you Brandon." I said. The last words I got to say to him. Before he was struck by that car. Going at 80 mph. I loved him. I might not ever hear his voice again. I might not ever feel his hands around me. I might not ever feel his lips against mine. I might not ever be able to talk through the whole night with him. Without Brandon, there is no me.
"Brandon!" I yelled as the paramedics took him away. Someone was trying to hold me back, I had to see him. This wasn't possibly happening. I knew Brandon was still in there, somewhere deep, he just needed to find himself.
***
"Marcie, what's wrong?" Hunter huffed and puffed as he ran down the hallway. I noticed that Weston was with him. His eyes were red and under them bags could be revealed. His sleeves were rolled all the way down his arm. He held the sleeves, making sure not to show his arms. His hair was a mess, and I could tell he had been crying. Before saying a word, I dragged him to the bathroom. How could my life possibly get any worse?
"Why Weston?" I asked. He looked at me in confusion. I pulled up his soft sleeves. Only revealing more cuts. "Why are you doing this to yourself? You need help." I said. He looked at me in shock. "Weston, I won't always be there for you. You need someone who really will help you. You need to talk to mom and dad. I want to be there for you, but lately I've lost myself, and I need to find the real Marcie."
"I - I'm sorry." He whispered. His eyes dropped, and his hair looked flat. His skin was pale, and he cheeks were rosy.
I leaned in for a hug, but without another word, as he was wiping away his tears, he moved out of the way.
"I'm sorry, I thought you didn't have time for my problems." He said. Weston shrugged his shoulders. I stared at the one piece of hair standing idly upwards from his hair as he walked out. I fell to my knees. Feeling my whole world fall apart. Weston was the last piece of hope I had, and now he was gone. I was always there for everyone else, but the one time I needed it, no one was there for me.
I sat there, my knees to my chest. My mascara running down my hot cheeks. My hair a mess. I just wanted everything to go back to normal. Back to when Weston was happy, back to when I was happy, back to when I had friends to talk to, back to my old school where I didn't get bullied. I missed it all.
***
8 Days Later:
"Honey, we're heading out to see Brandon!" My mother yelled. I ignored her. What was the point, it had been 8 days without him. 8 days he had been in a coma. 8 days since I found a new Marcie. A Marcie who doesn't smile or laugh, she just goes to school and goes home. I haven't played soccer for a week now. I haven't spoken to hunter. Weston hasn't talked to me. Nothing has been the same. "Marcella! Did you hear me?" My mom said barging into my room.
"I heard you ok!" I shouted. Her face turned pale. She firmly held her palms together. Swiftly turning and leaving the room.
I sat on my bed. Holding my head between my gentle hands.
"Marcie." Someone whispered. I recognized the scrappy voice.
"What do you want Hunter?" I asked. He stumbled over his feet as he climbed in through my window. Sliding down next to me, extending his legs outward so they lay straight. His knees slightly bent because he wasn't that flexible.
"You can't keep it all in." He said, "one day you will explode."
"Maybe that timer ended today." I said with a laugh. My tears falling onto his shoulder blades. "Do you ever just want to let it all out, but you have no one to talk to?"
"What do you think I'm doing right now?" He quickly responded. I looked into his green eyes. My hair was covering my face. "I care about you Marcie, I care about you alot. You need to tell someone how you feel. I can be that someone." he told me.
I felt myself smiling. "I'm sorry. I never noticed how much you'd had been there for me. I'm always there for everyone else, and I feel like no one has been here for me. My brother is going through some tough times. Brandon is not being himself. I miss it all. When everyone was actually happy, When I was happy. My whole world is just falling apart. I'm scared Hunter. Scared of the future. Whats going to happen to us? Will Brandon be ok? Will Weston be ok? Will I be ok?" I said.
"Marcie, your thinking too far ahead. Calm down. You have alot fo anxiety. You need to relax. Lets go back to my house and chill for a little." He offered a han to me. I stood up, putting soem of my weight onto Hunter. He ws the only thing keeping me up right now. As we walked, he stopped at my mother and explaind to her where we were going. She nodded and whipsered soemthign into his ear. I could only hear the words, "watch her."
This played in my head as Hunter and I walked to his house. I accidentally tripped over a curb, and when Hunter went to lift me up I stared into his wonderful eyes. His smile was perfect as he showed his teeth. Was I-. No I'm not. There is no way that is happening. Not while Brandon isn't here. I can't do that to him.
"Hey, you ok." Hunters scrappy voice asked. I shook my head. Keeping my eyes from his.
"Yeah," I said scratching he back of my neck, "I'm fine." I smiled. He laughed. Gosh, why did he have to do that? It only made me admire him more than I already had.
***
As soon as we made it to his house, I ran to the bathroom. Taking a deep breath, I leaned on the door. I slid down, putting my face into my hands. I never wanted to get up. Not until Brandon was back. I couldn't deal with what I had done, there is no way I'm falling for hunter. Never in a million years.
"Marcie! Are you ok in there?" Hunter yelled as he knocked on the door. I grabbed onto the silver handle, thrusting my body weight upwards as I opened it.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I kind of need to go." I said as I walked passed him. He didn't even try to come after me, he just sat down next to the door, and stared into the wall.
***
I walked into my house, only to see Jos waiting for me.
"I've been waiting for you to come. You need help." She said.
"I don't." I replied. She nodded her head.
"I'm fine, I don't need anyone. I can handle it all on my own just like it always has been!" I yelled. I turned and ran up the stairs slamming my door behund me. I climbed onto my silly bed and lay still. Tears staining the pillows. I was fine. I just needed to get that into my head. Just as I began to calm down, I heard the door sway open. The footsteps were light and quick.
"Marcie." They said. I knew exaclty who it was.
"What are you doing here? I thought you were at the hospital?" I asked.
a/n: i haven't updated for ages, so here is a long update :)
